14 February 2006

What exactly is bisexual ?

What exactly is bisexual? I’m the Mom of a 15 yr old girl who has just informed me that she is bisexual. The problem is I don’t think she understands all the implications of that label. She has always walked “to the beat of a different drumer” -always trying to fit in. She started high school this year and I think she has finally found a group that will accept her and she is identifying with them. She has always seemed attracted to guys but says that was all an act to hide her true feelings from me. I’m confused as a parent. I want to support her but I’m afraid for her too. I have asked her to take it slow and make sure this is truly her choice of sexuality. Her father and I will accept her no matter what – we just want her to be sure that she’s not just ‘labeling’ herself to fit in. Am I hurting her psychologically by asking her to question her choice before making commitments? Right now she has a bf who is also bisexual.

sabrina prégent

Hi Dawn,

It can be hard for some parents to really accept their child as a homosexual or a bisexual. Sometimes they care about the possibility of not being grandparents. Furthermore, parents are very caring about the difficulties their child can meet as not being a heterosexual. For bisexuals, it can be easier to melt away in the crowd especially when you go out, you live or you are married with someone of the opposite gender. For this reason, some people say bisexuals hide themselves behind an apparent heterosexuality. In reality, many of them feel excluded or different of heterosexuals and homosexuals.

There are a lot of prejudices concerning bisexuality. Some people think bisexuals want to have sex or want to go out with everybody. Lifestyle is a choice but sexual orientation is not.  Bisexuals select their lover(s) as everybody do. The only difference is that bisexuals chose someone for what this person really is, irregardless of the gender. Pornography’s industry spreads a wrong idea of bisexual women. In fact, a lot of people think that they all like to have group sex with a boy and another girl. In reality, several bisexual females dont want to have this kind of sex.

In conclusion, I want to clarify that it is very difficult to do a coming-out and particularly to reveal to our parents that we are gay or bisexual. If you daughter said it you, there isn’t a lot of chance that she only did it to be accept by a group of people. Sexual orientation isn’t a choice; it is very important for you and your daughter that you understand it. If you want that your daughter continues to tell you the truth about her, be careful and respectful with her when you will talk with her about her bisexuality. If you dont, there are many chances she will distance herself from you.

In fact, you’re not hurting her psychologically if you ask her to question her sexual orientation, but sexual orientation isn’t a choice. By questioning her on what is bisexuality for her, and what is bisexuality for you, you may understand better what is inside her, and what are her feelings / attraction, for men and women.

Sabrina, Alterheros