2 December 2007

Is enjoying anal sex an indicator that my boyfriend is bisexual?

I want to know if my boyfriend is bisexual… He keeps putting vibrators and other objects in his anus and he doesn’t know why he does it. I am concerned he may be bisexual, and I just need to know if my intuition has led me in the right direction… Thanks a lot!

Équipe -Pose ta question!-

Hi Natalie,
Thanks for writing in. First, let me start with the fact that although anal sex has always been considered a taboo in our society, it is rapidly becoming a regular practice for people of all sexual orientations. As a parallel example, oral sex was very controversial prior to the 80’s, while it is better accepted in our current society.

The anus is a very sensitive area in the anatomy of the people who are assigned male at birth and is surrounded by a gland, the prostate, which contains many sensory receptors and can be stimulated most directly through the anus. The function of this gland is to produce fluid that constitutes a significant portion of semen, as well as helping to close the bladder sphincter to allow for safe passage of sperm. It also serves as a source of pleasure for many people. The prostate can be found a few inches inside the opening of the anus, and can be stimulated through the rectal wall. When the prostate is stimulated, some people can have an orgasm, whether or not they are having an erection at the same time.

Many men are worried that enjoying anal play or prostate stimulation might imply they are gay or somehow makes them homosexual. However, although it is a controversial subject for many people, heterosexual men can definitely derive pleasure from anal stimulation, both with their partner and during masturbation.

Many heterosexual men never experiment with anal stimulation, maybe because they tend to associate any kind of anal contact with being homosexual, or being attracted to other men. However, there are plenty of heterosexuals who give and get anal stimulation in different ways. Therefore, enjoying anal stimulation in-and-of-itself isn’t an indicator of your boyfriend’s sexual orientation.

If, for example, your boyfriend fantasizes only about having sex with a woman while he masturbates or stimulates his anus, this may be an indicator of his heterosexuality. However, he may be doing or saying other things that are causing you to feel insecure, or causing you to have doubts about his sexual orientation. Is this the case?

Generally speaking, the best way to maintain a healthy, enjoyable relationship is to communicate directly with your partner as much as possible. I understand it might not be easy under some circumstances. But in this case, it may help clarify any doubts you might have about his sexual orientation, and perhaps even strengthen your relationship. For example, would his potential bisexuality feel like a betrayal to you? And why would it be so? Would you feel insecure, thinking he might leave you for another man? Is it not a risk present in any relationship, as a person can choose to end the relationship to be with another individual, whether it is someone of the same or opposite sex? All of these questions certainly need to be clarified, either with your boyfriend or on your own.

Finally, independently of your boyfriend’s sexual orientation, if your relationship is otherwise fulfilling to you both, it should definitely be possible for you to pursue such a relationship with him. Your happiness is all that matters.

I hope this has helped answer some of your queries, and don’t hesitate to contact us again if you have other questions,
Team AlterHéros