4 December 2005

I am confused in my relationship with my bestfriend

Hey, I told my best friend that I was bi and she said she had no problem with it. For a while, we were on the same level and then lately we’ve gotten way closer, like hand sex and cuddling, even to the point where her parents and mine thought we were involved. The thing is, all the moves are hers. I never make the move to hold her hand or cuddle her because I know how straight she is, or so she says. I just go along with it cause I know my feelings for her have changed. She told me it’s not her thing, but to me it seems like more a “hint”, not a go at me for hitting on her because I know I don’t. I’m not sure, but now I’m very confused because 6 months ago she wouldn’t entwine my hand at all because it was considered “together”. Now she has no problem at all with entwining our hands together or cuddling in a pub. She also can get clingy at times. I just don’t get it and I’m awfully confused as to what to do. I know we could just be normal best friends but it feels different. Could she like me? Or am I cloud?


Hi Angela,

Thanks for your question.

Unfortunately in this case there is no true or correct answer, as I can’t read your friend’s mind… However, it is obvious that your best friend is not indifferent towards you. There are people who like close affectionate physical contact – but that doesn’t necessarily imply anything sexual. Perhaps her knowing that you are bi makes her more comfortable with you being closer physically – but it also entails the possibility that she might not be as straight as she says. Keep in mind that sexuality is a wide spectrum and at times it’s difficult to pinpoint exactly where people stand.

There is a sure way of knowing– and that is to bring the issue up. It is scary and far from easy to do, but if she is truly your best friend, she will understand. You will know inside you when you are ready and when the right moment is to bring it up. Staying in that confused state will not help the case, as you will keep receiving all of her gestures as mixed signals, and I don’t think it’s fair to you – or either of you – and your friendship. Someone might get hurt in the process.

Cheers and hope this will help untangle a few things,