6 December 2007

I am a girl who is in love with my gay best friend's boyfriend.

I am a girl who is in love with my gay best friend’s boyfriend.
I know it sounds really bad but I can’t stop thinking about him. When I’m with him it’s great, and I can see us together, but he is dating my best friend.
When we get drunk, we kiss a little bit and joke about how we would be happy together, but he means more to me than he actually knows. When my dad died early this year, he was there more than my own friends, if I have a problem I will go to him first, and he will come to me instead of going to his friends. I am unsure of what to do about it, and how to act, even though I know that nothing will ever happen between us.

Équipe -Pose ta question!-

Hi Emily,

Thank you for your question. I understand that this situation must be hard for you. You seem to have a really good relationship with this person. Since you trust each other so much, you may want to try talking to him about how you feel. Even if nothing happens after this discussion, you may end up feeling better because you would have been completely honest with him. In addition, it might help if he becomes aware of this. Since you have such a strong relationship, there is a high probability that he will understand and react positively.

On the other hand, you are probably afraid to lose him as a friend if you disclose these feelings to him. It is true that there might be an adjustment period where things will be different –and potentially uncomfortable- between the two of you. However, again because you have a very close relationship, it is likely that you would eventually resume being friends. Of course, things may slightly change, but it is also the nature of relationships to evolve with time. In addition, it is very common for close friends to develop a strong attraction to each other. He should therefore be able to understand this. Also, because you seem to be respectful of his relationship with your best friend, it may make it easier for him to remain your friend.

At the end of the day, it is still up to you to decide what you truly want to do and what you feel would be best for you. For example, do you think you would feel better if you tell him about your true feelings?

I hope this has helped clarify the choices available to you… If you have any other questions, please feel free to contact us again!

Karine, for AlterHéros