4 mars 2023

I want an idyllic life but not being with this girl would tear me apart.

I am a girl and I consider myself a heterosexual and have had several long term relationships with men and enjoyed them – i suddenly find myself in a relationship with a woman and am utterly confused – i find men attractive, don’t look at other girls ever (find it gross) but feel really comfortable and happy with this girl. Am i bisexual or have i found my soulmate who just happens to be a bloody girl?? It is complicated by the fact that my choice of partner is tearing my family apart and here i am not even sure if i am really gay or going thru a phase? I really want the idyllic idea of wedding, husband, kids etc but the thought of leaving this girl tears me apart. I would like an answer from someone not emotionally involved.


Hi Sally,

Let me begin by saying I think a lot of homosexual people go through a period of uncertainty ( or denial ). This is not necessarily to say that its a bad thing, but rather it makes the final revelation all the more meaningful.

I think you need to sit down, and ask yourself a couple of hard and fast questions –

– Could you honestly see yourself living / sharing your life with another female?

– Do you think a female could fulfill the same role of a man?

You mention that you want the idyllic lifestyle ( wedding, husband, kids ), but in this day and age, I don’t believe this has to be compromised if one is homosexual.

If this girl means as much as you say she does, maybe you should explore it to the fullest and whilst there are hurdles ( family ) it’s inevitable in any relationship. But you sound as though you care for her VERY much. Why stand being ‘torn apart’ when you might actually flourish in a full-on relationship with her?

Unfortunately, at the end of the day, only you are the one who knows what you want and it’s up to you to make the final decision. We try to help as much as we can, but even Alterheros can’t tell you what’s really in your heart and what the pro’s and con’s of being with this girl are.

Good luck and be strong!


for Alterheros