How can I tell my family and friends about being transgender without loosing them ?

Hi Kevin,

Thanks for writing to Alterheros with your question. The short answer is that when coming out as trans to friends and families, it is best to be prepared. It is always nice to think and hope that people will respond in an incredibly affirming way, but it is good to be prepared for the possibility that they may not react well at first. It may be that everyone will have a great reaction, but it may also take some people time to adjust to your news.

Here are a few resources that may help you build some supports prior to coming out to friends and family. There is a woman named Mary Boenke who is an activist and has a trans child (who is now an adult). She has written a book called ‘Trans Forming Families’ and she can be reached at You might also want to see if there is a local chapter of PFLAG in your community. PFLAG as you may know stands for Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays, and many PFLAG chapters also included supports for trans people and their families.

I hope you find this helpful, and please feel free to write back again should you have more questions.

Best regards,



Leave a comment