9 November 2008

My friend is acting moody with me since I expressed fear that my boyfriend was interested in her

Recently I became paranoid that my boyfriend, who is really good friends with one of my best friends, would start to want to be with her instead of me. I told them both that I felt threatened and my boyfriend understood and reassured me that they were only friends and could never be anything more because of the way they interacted. I trust them both and I believe them. Anyway, a few days after I spoke to them about how I felt and got it resolved, my friend brought it up again and started to act really moody with me. She said that she felt like I didn’t trust her anymore but I do! I wasn’t sure why because she doesn’t really have much to do with the matter apart from being the girl that I felt threatened by. She told me to think about others involved and how they felt so I asked her how she felt and she said it wasn’t about her and blew me off. Why is she bringing it all up again after we solved the problem? How can I prove that I trust them and how can I fix our friendship? Please help!!

Dee Gamme

Hi Molly, and thanks for your question.
I can understand your distress in the context of this uncomfortable situation.

From what you’ve said about your friend having a delayed reaction and telling you to consider the feelings of others involved….I am guessing perhaps one of two things might be going through her head (or maybe both at once), although of course we cannot be entirely sure about her state of mind.

Perhaps she was hurt that you mistrusted her, and even after you explained yourself, she still found it hurtful. Or, maybe your friend has feelings for your boyfriend, and while she doesn’t want to tell you or hurt you, feels sad because she knows it would be wrong to steal him from you. This could explain her moodiness around you lately.

Nobody can guess what’s in another person’s head or heart unless it is directly expressed. If your friend insists that nothing is wrong but continues to act moody, there is not much you can do about it. Try to take her moods with a grain of salt. I don’t mean you should completely ignore her, but allow her to pout and vent, and maybe she will eventually tell you what’s bugging her. Either that, or it will pass on its own.

Stay positive, and if you have any more questions, don’t hesitate to contact us again,

Dee, for Alterheros