28 September 2005

Is my friend to curious?

I have this friend who feels hurt when i dont’ tell her my feelings for her but yet i know she’s strongly heterosexual yet she wants to know all about lesbians, what they do, how they do it. she is said she wished i was a guy and all that stuff but i know she is only bicurious because she’s definitely attracted to only guys but she’s asking too many questions and i don’t know if she’s just curious or she wants to do it? it’s playing with my mind a lot and i simply don’t know what to do!

suzanne palardy

Hi Mya,

First, let me tell you that I truly empathize with you. Having what you know to be a straight friend who’s bi-curious and messing with your mind can be very difficult particularly if you have feelings for her.

You say that you are sure that she is totally straight and that tells me one of two things – either you’re wrong and she’s really questioning her own sexuality or she’s being insensitive. It might be a bit difficult but I can only think of one way to deal with your situation – directly. Tell your friend how uncomfortable her questions make you feel and ask her outright why she is asking so many intimate questions about lesbianism. Don’t wait until the next time she starts in on the subject, go to her and try to deal with it honestly and openly. Be clear about how it makes you feel. If she is a true friend she will back off or come clean about her own sexual questioning.

There is always a possibility that she is absolutely straight and just enjoys knowing that you have feelings for her. I’ve known straight women who have behaved that way. Boy, did they leave me feeling confused and always hopeful. Don’t stay confused, don’t let her play with your mind, and don’t stay stuck on a straight woman. If you talk to her and she maintains that she is straight then you have to accept that and try to get over her. Just make it clear that you don’t want to talk about it anymore.

I hope this helps. Good luck,