9 June 2003

I told my mom about my sexuality and I doubt she believes me...

Dear AlterHeros,
I have told my mom recently that I’m bi; about two weeks ago, and when I told her, she said I was too young to know what I am (I’m 15). I wasn’t afraid of telling her because of her disowning me or anything, because she is A-okay with gays, but I was afraid that she wouldn’t believe me. She said she didn’t mean to judge me. We haven’t talked about it since and I kind of wish we would because it would make me feel better knowing that she trusts my intuition. I don’t know what to do.

Équipe -Pose ta question!-

Hello Shannon,

You sound like you answered your own question!  Approach her when you feel comfortable and ask if you can talk about it a little more. Gently remind her that many people who identify as gay have known this all their lives, and how is that different for her daughter?  Thank her for being so open to talking about such things and that you sincerely appreciate her not being judgemental. Say exactly what you wrote, that you would ‘feel better knowing that she trusts my intuition’ and that it is important for you to keep communication lines open with her.  Don’t worry too much though, it sounds like your mom’s comment may have been a rash response to your news.

Being bi is tricky because many people (even your peers) may think you are ‘riding the fence’ and just waiting to come out as gay or, in some cases, straight  I have always said I identify myself as a ‘people person’ because it is the individual that I am attracted to, rather than their gender.

I wish you all the best. It sounds like you are already headed in the right direction. It makes things so much easier when your parent is queer-friendly. If you want to direct her to some reading material about bisexuality, have her check out the info available on our web site in the Family section and the folder dealing with Coming Out. You can also write us again, I would be happy to suggest some readings for your mom. You may also want to consider contacting your local PFLAG (Parents and friends of lesbians and gays) for more info for your mom.

In solidarity,
Nicole 🙂