My uncle told my dad I was trans. Ever since then, my dad has been throwing trans insults at me and shaming me for it. What do I do?
My uncle told my dad I was trans. Ever since then, my dad has been throwing trans insults at me and shaming me for it. My mum is supportive of me, however she can’t financially support me (my parents aren’t together). The rest of my dad’s family are EXTREMELY Christian and EXTREMELY transphobic, and my mum doesn’t have any family members she speaks to. I’m under-age, and can’t move out myself. I can’t deal with my dad’s constant harrassment and discrimination for much longer. What do I do?
Thank you for reaching out to us! I will try to help you to the best of my abilities.
First off, I would like to say that I’m so sorry you’re going through such a difficult time. It must be very hard to hear your father say such mean things about you, and not really be able to distance yourself from this stressful situation (like moving away). Your feelings and concerns are absolutely valid. I need to emphasize that it is NOT your fault that you are experiencing this.
First, I would like to ask you if you have any friends or other trans people you know that you can talk to about this? Can you open up to anyone and share how this affects you (like your mother)? In times where one’s family cannot be there for us, it is possible to find comfort in others, and in this case, it will create a safe and positive environment for you to be yourself with certain people. If you are in school, is there an LGBTQ+ group that you can join, or a counselor/psychologist you can talk to? They will be able to offer advice and support. I’d also prioritize taking care of your mental health. Do things you enjoy, go out with friends, learn a new skill, watch a show you’ve been meaning to watch, really anything that you know will make you feel good. Sometimes that also means crying, and talking or writing about how you feel. You’ve got this.
Furthermore, here are some resources for trans people in New South Wales :
- Transhub (general advice for trans people)
- Transtopia youth support group (monthly group discussions, requires parental consent, would it be possible for your mother to sign?)
- Twenty10 (offers housing starting age 17, counseling, peer support, drop-ins, weekly group discussions, discord group with queer people, and more)
- Trans Pride Australia (hosts events and has online groups)
These resources will allow you to continue your transition process despite the clash with your father.
If you are having suicidal thoughts, please view this ressource for help. They offer a list of assistance options, be it having someone that will listen to you, or ways to help yourself. You are not alone in this, and there is hope.
As a final resort, and only if you’re comfortable, have the energy, and have someone to support you through this, you could try having a heart to heart discussion with your father about how his words affect you. Something around the lines of “When you say x, it makes me feel x”. That way, he is fully aware that he is hurting you, and I hope that if he cares about your well-being, he will at the very least think twice about saying those kinds of words. However, please prioritize your safety above this kind of discussion. If you are fearing for your life, please call 000.
I hope this was helpful for you and that you’ll be able to meet new or find people to be there for you through these harsh times. You got this and things will get better. Please don’t hesitate to reach out to us again if you have any more questions.
Lorena (she/they), sexology student