16 September 2005

I like a friend

Hi, my name is vanessa and i don’t know if i am a bisexual or not i started to have these feelings since i went to middle school the first time and suddenly started to think differently i like guys but i think i also like girls i really don’t know thats why i need some help i whanna know if i am bisexual i think i also like a friend because i am always thinking about her she’s older and she ain’t bisexual she always with me and she gets everything she wants because of me i’ll give her everithing she wants because of that i really need some help to tell her if i am a bisexual or not and i help knowing if i am bisexual and if i like her please help me soon so i could know and how i could tell her please please i am desesperate to know

suzanne palardy

Hi Vanessa,

Thanks for your question. First of all, take a deep breath and try to stay calm. I know everything must seem really panicky and scary to you now, but there really isn’t anything you need to rush right now. Questioning your sexuality at your age is a quite common and normal thing to do and you needn’t rush into telling anyone what your sexuality is, particularly if you haven’t figured it out for yourself yet.

As for your friend, a lot of girls get confusing feelings when they are in a close relationship with another girl and they wonder if they are lesbian or bisexual. You really have to try and calmly examine your feelings for your friend. When you think of her, do you think of touching her or kissing her or do you only have a strong emotional connection? Do your feelings feel sexual in any way?  Nobody can answer that for sure except you. If you find that over time you have a similar sexual and emotional attraction to girls as you do for boys, then maybe you are bisexual… and that’s perfectly fine. You are not alone. Coming to terms with your sexual identity can take time and you have to try and be patient and gentle with yourself. Remember, being gay or bisexual is only one dimension of who you are and the rest of who you are will not change because you identify as bisexual.

Back to your friend, since you state that your friend is not bisexual or gay I would not recommend that you tell her at this juncture. There is no point in discussing it with her unless you are sure that she would be supportive – remember, if she’s straight, maybe she will not reciprocate your feelings and you have to be ready to accept what she has to tell you.

I would also recommend you to join some LGBT groups where you would be able to talk about your feelings and get guidance from the other members.

Thanks a lot, good luck,

AlterHeros Team