6 December 2007

I am scared of being bisexual because my parents would disapprove

Hi, my name is Bailey. For some reason, I just enjoy watching lesbian interaction, such as kissing. But I have had boyfriends and enjoyed my relationships with them. I truly think I am bisexual but I am scared of being one because my parents disapprove this very thought. What should I do?

sarah eidelmans

Hi Bailey,

Thank you for your question.

I actually don’t think you need to choose between enjoying lesbian interactions while also enjoying the relationships you have had with men. While some people who are attracted to both men and women call themselves bisexual, this is not a choice you have to make if you don’t want to.

Sometimes people are just attracted to certain individuals/personalities or certain kinds of interactions and it doesn’t necessarily matter which gender is implicated in that interaction. I personally think you should be free to like who you like and to enjoy watching what is enjoyable/pleasurable to you, and that you are by no means forced to label yourself as being of a specific sexual orientation.

That being said, it is not always easy to talk about certain issues to your parents, such as what kind of individuals you are attracted to or about your sexual orientation.

Sometimes it helps if parents have more information about the labels their kids choose to use (if they use them) and about sexuality in general. Project 10 or Jeunesse Lambda are excellent resources for information if you live in Montreal, and there are multiple websites that also provide concrete information about teen sexuality. Giving them some of these references, or even printing out some information for them can be a way to convey your feelings. Of course, this should probably be followed by a face-to-face discussion.

Even though this information might not result immediately in your parents’ complete acceptance or understanding, it can definitely make it easier, both for you and for them. However, you remain the person who knows them best. Do you think there are any ways you could initiate this discussion with your parents (if indeed you decide you are ready to proceed with this) that would help them understand better how important this is for you, and what it means to you? You can also take some time to clarify this issue for yourself before discussing it with them.

Finally, I would like to reiterate that you have the right to like whomever you like, even if it doesn’t always mean dealing with the easiest situations. Also, you remain the best judge as to when and how you feel most ready to disclose this personal issue to your parents…

Good luck, and don’t hesitate to contact us again if you have other questions,

S., for AlterHeros