My friends say I'm only in a phase when I tell them I'm bi!

Okay, Well I’ve recently accepted myself as a bisexual (I was kind of denying it before) and I’ve only just built up the courage to tell my closest friends…and a lot of them are just saying that I’m not really bisexual and its just a phase that i will get over..and i think that’s a load of crap…they say I’m to young to define my sexual orientation yet…so, i just want to know if this is really just a phase..i don’t think it is but..I’m feeling really upset and it feels like they are only saying that because they don’t accept me Help?.
Thank you.


Dear Sam,

I don’t mean this to sound condescending, but… DUDE! You’re only 13! Even 30 year-olds like me don’t necessarily have it all figured out, and we’ve been through lots and lots of relationships. You haven’t been through many at your age, so you DEFINITELY don’t have to have all the answers right now. Is this just a phase? It’s possible. It’s also possible that you really, truly are bisexual and will have fun with this for the rest of your life. But right now, you’re 13, and you should relax a little.

I have to agree with your friends, in that you’re very young and don’t need to define your sexuality quite so strictly just yet. If you’ve been in relationships already, you may find yourself attracted to guys and girls, and that’s totally fine. As you grow older, however, you may notice a preference towards one gender or the other. And that’s ALSO totally fine. It’s labels that really confuse people, in my opinion, because they’re about categorizing people and putting them into boxes. Are you gay? Straight? Bisexual? Other people want to “sort” you into one of these categories, to feel like they have you figured out. But is it ever really this simple? Of course not!

Lots of people will find themselves questioning their sexuality, over

the years, including so-called straight people. Whether you’re

attracted to guys or girls, you may still find yourself preferring one

or the other. You may choose to embrace the term “queer” rather than “bisexual.” You may ultimately decide you’re straight, or queer, or bisexual. But all of these decisions take time, because they’re the product of the accumulation of experience. We all change as we grow, so it’s probably best not to worry about categorizing yourself too much, and just focus on finding people you like to hang out with.

If you do think that your friends are actually bashing your sexual

orientation, rather than simply reminding you that you’re young and

need more time to fully experience your sexuality before you make any hard and fast decisions, you should seek out a queer youth group in your area for some guidance. The ALSO Foundation is a good place to start, and they’re online at

Good luck,