I feel lost about my sexuality


Hi Grace,

From what I can tell you are completely confused about your sexual orientation and are anxious to figure things out. Unfortunately, the truth is that there is no quick and easy fix here. Discovering and exploring your sexuality is a lifelong journey and process. It is something that can change and evolve continuously over your lifetime.

However, I do completely understand that it is difficult when you don’t understand your own feelings. A lot of people feel frustration over this too, you aren’t alone! One important thing to remember is that physical attraction and love are separate elements of sexuality for everyone, sometimes they match up and sometimes they don’t. Also, what often happens in our society is that we are told we are either one of two things: gay or straight. There are no other options. This is false. There are countless other sexual orientations and identities. What I would recommend for you to research is asexuality. This is another sexual orientation that is often over looked. To be asexual means that although you might(or might not) experience sexual attraction, you feel no desire to act on it. Asexual people can be gay, lesbian, straight, or bisexual just like sexual people can be.

Another option to consider: maybe you just haven’t met the right person yet. Maybe you are focused on other things at this point in your life and sex and romance will follow later. Everything happens for everyone at different times. Relax, do some research, and give yourself a break!

If you are still feeling overwhelmed and confused, it wouldn’t be a bad idea to find a counselor in your area that you could talk to. It always helps to get a professional, unbiased opinion if you feel that you are at the end of your rope.

Take a look at this site for more info about asexuality: www.asexuality.org

You should also browse through the rest of the questions and resources here on the Alterheros website.

Good luck and please write back if you have more questions!

Hillary, for Alterheros.


About Hillary Greer

Hillary is currently completing her Bachelor of Social Work at McGill University, hoping to continue on to her Master degree after. When she lived in Toronto, she volunteered and worked at an alternative youth and family counselling organization with Dr. Karyn Gordon. Since moving to Montreal, she has completed an internship at Head and Hands, and has now been involved with AlterHeros for almost two years! She am now doing an internship at the MAB-Mackay Rehabilitation center, working with families of young children with hearing impairments and developmental delays.

Being a part of the outreach team at AlterHeros has given me the chance to explore a wide variety of topics and connect with the queer community a bit more. I had a lot of emotional support growing up and was supported in whatever choices I made. I love being involved with Tell the Experts because it enables me to be able to connect with individuals who might be looking for that kind of support for themselves. Growing up, exploring and questioning yourself, and coming out can be difficult and sometimes scary, and I am thrilled to be able to help as many people as possible to make this journey an easier one.

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