28 avril 2009

I feel lost about my sexuality

I have been struggling with my sexuality for some time now. I sometimes find myself very physically attracted to women but I have never been emotionally attracted to them. This sexual attraction comes and goes. I am not really sexually attracted to men but will get crushes on them and be happy to be with them and feel my heart flutter when I am around them. However when i think about going further and having sex with them I get nervous, and worry that i won’t like it. But I don’t have an interest in having sex with women either. I am very lost right now please help.

Hillary Greer

Hi Grace,

From what I can tell you are completely confused about your sexual orientation and are anxious to figure things out. Unfortunately, the truth is that there is no quick and easy fix here. Discovering and exploring your sexuality is a lifelong journey and process. It is something that can change and evolve continuously over your lifetime.

However, I do completely understand that it is difficult when you don’t understand your own feelings. A lot of people feel frustration over this too, you aren’t alone! One important thing to remember is that physical attraction and love are separate elements of sexuality for everyone, sometimes they match up and sometimes they don’t. Also, what often happens in our society is that we are told we are either one of two things: gay or straight. There are no other options. This is false. There are countless other sexual orientations and identities. What I would recommend for you to research is asexuality. This is another sexual orientation that is often over looked. To be asexual means that although you might(or might not) experience sexual attraction, you feel no desire to act on it. Asexual people can be gay, lesbian, straight, or bisexual just like sexual people can be.

Another option to consider: maybe you just haven’t met the right person yet. Maybe you are focused on other things at this point in your life and sex and romance will follow later. Everything happens for everyone at different times. Relax, do some research, and give yourself a break!

If you are still feeling overwhelmed and confused, it wouldn’t be a bad idea to find a counselor in your area that you could talk to. It always helps to get a professional, unbiased opinion if you feel that you are at the end of your rope.

Take a look at this site for more info about asexuality: www.asexuality.org

You should also browse through the rest of the questions and resources here on the Alterheros website.

Good luck and please write back if you have more questions!

Hillary, for Alterheros.