23 February 2008

Is my bisexual friend attracted to me?

There is this girl from my school who I know is bisexual. We haven’t been friends for that long so I don’t know a lot about her. I know she has a boyfriend, but we text message back and forth a lot. I know she likes getting attention from me, but is that all she likes? Does she like me as a girlfriend? Please help.

sarah eidelmans

Hi Megan,

It sounds like you are confused because you are not sure exactly what your friend’s feelings are towards you. From what you wrote, she seems to like your company and your attention and likes being your friend. Just because this girl is bisexual does not necessarily mean she would like you to be something more for her. Do you have any specific reasons to believe she does like you in that special way or is something about her behaviour suggesting she likes you as more than a friend? Those are some things that might be helpful for you to think about in trying to figure out how this person feels towards you. Sometimes it can be really hard to figure this out when the intentions underlying people’s behaviour are unclear or when individuals behave in a certain way without being conscious of the effect it has on other people. If you feel comfortable talking to your friend about this, it might help you clarify what your relationship means to her and whether it can lead to something more. However, it is up to you to decide whether you feel ready to do this.

At this point of your relationship, it is also worthwhile to wait and get to know her better. You mention you still don’t know her all that well. Do you know exactly what you want out of this relationship? Do you already know that you are definitely interested in having a romantic relationship with her? It may help to learn more about her personality, her interests and her lifestyle to figure out whether you are really compatible. Also, the feelings and attraction you have for someone may change over time : you may become more interested or less interested with time and the same goes for her.

I know this does not represent a definitive answer to your question. However, relationships are dynamic, evolve with time and possess unique characteristics that are difficult to address when you do not know both individuals personally. Giving you an easy answer such as a simple yes or no does not adequately address the complexity of your relationship.

I still hope this helped in formulating some essential questions you should ask yourself to clarify your feelings towards this person. Feel free to write back if you have more questions!

-S, for AlterHeros