28 January 2009

I'm scare of ruining my frindship with him...

I’m a female,17, and a senior. I’ve known Sean since I was 10. He’ll be 16 soon. We met at his family’s church.
I was almost fourteen when I began to like him. Then I stopped going to church for a couple years; we still talked on the phone but we werent as close. I came back last year, and now were best friends again.
We hang out pretty often now, although he lives in the next town over. I still spend the night at his house. I thought I could get over the feelings I had for him but they’re even stronger now.
His older sister even said to us one day, “You’re so pretty Ashley. Why don’t you and Sean get together?
People keep making comments like this and the only way I can respond is by saying it’d be too weird b/c he’s like my brother.
I’ve never even been kissed let alone had a boyfriend. Im scared of ruining our friendship and I know everyone will be involved b/c his family is huge and the church is small. With college next year im moving(still in Ca) & i dont know what to do…

lauren delrio

Hi Ashley,

It sounds like you are unsure whether to pursue a relationship with your friend because of the chance it may ruin your friendship as well as outside pressures. When it comes to relationships, there really is no right answer – only the answer that is right for you. I would recommend weighing your options carefully. While it is true a relationship that ends could impact your friendship, it is also possible that a relationship could bring you and your friend closer together. Upcoming changes in your life, like going to college, also make it harder to pursue a relationship, but not necessarily impossible if there are enough feelings there.

Have you spoken to your friend about your feelings for him? It may be beneficial to discuss these options with him, especially if he feels the same way about you, and make a decision together. As for the involvement of your church and his family, remember that a relationship is between two people. You always have the right to request and receive privacy. If you feel you need more help, you may want to discuss your relationship with a counselor.

Good luck!

Lauren, for AlterHeros