5 November 2007

I have sexual fantasies about my stepmother, and I don't know how to make them stop

Hello, I’ve just turned sixteen and for the past year or so I’ve been having sexual fantasies about my Step-Mom. I want to tell her, but I don’t want her to hate me or feel disgusted by me. I know this could be due to hormonal changes, as she is the only female I see because I am home-schooled. I feel really horny around her and masturbation doesn’t help, so I was wondering if there is anyway to stop this feeling without therapy? AlterHeros, I need your help!

Équipe -Pose ta question!-

Dear Anonymous,

Thank you for contacting us. There are many aspects to your question:
First, I believe you are asking about sexual fantasies and how normal or appropriate they are. You are also asking if there is any way to redirect sexual fantasies. Finally, you are considering disclosure of these fantasies, and you anticipate rejection.

It may be reassuring for you to learn that having this kind of sexual fantasies at any age is completely normal. Having the strong need to have sexual relationships with someone is also normal, as you are now going through a new and exciting stage of life. In early teenage years, sexual curiosity is naturally triggered. Out of respect for your father, and because of the potential consequences for your family as a whole, your stepmother isn’t an appropriate person to act out these fantasies with. Fantasies by themselves are harmless and our sexual fantasies don’t always reflect what kind of sex we truly want to have.

In terms of disclosure, it may be worthwhile to, again, consider the consequences if you choose to share these fantasies with her. As an individual, she may not necessarily feel disgusted or hate you. However, because she is your father’s wife and stepmother, even if she can acknowledge these fantasies in a non-judgmental way she cannot, as a responsible adult, encourage them or act out on them with you. Therefore, careful reflection is warranted before disclosure: What do you expect from this disclosure? Would it make you feel better or worse?

Finally, in terms of redirecting your fantasies, it might be a good idea to find a more suitable person who may, at the same time, be in the position to begin a more intimate relationship with you. I understand you are home-schooled, and that it limits your social circle, but what about finding extra-curricular activities that would then allow you to meet other adolescents? It is important to choose activities you are truly interested in, rather than participate in something you don’t necessarily enjoy just for the sake of meeting new people. You are then much more likely to not only meet a person attractive to you, but also make some new friends.

On the other hand, if you are truly concerned about your stepmother playing such a prominent role in your sexual fantasies, you can try imagining something else-or someone else!- while you masturbate.

Please do not hesitate to contact us again if you have other questions or worries, or if you feel this answer did not respond to all of your interrogations,