Hi Tony,

Thanks for sharing your reflection with us, I hope my answer will help your thought process.

From what I understand, you’re attracted to women and identify yourself as heterosexual. You say that you’re not attracted to men so you question why you have intrusive gay thoughts while you masturbate and why you had an erection when you touched your male friend’s thigh. You also say that you don’t like those intrusive gay thoughts, even though it felt good.

In short, you are questioning how attractions to different genders can influence sexual orientation.

More specifically, you’re asking if your experiences with men (for example, homosexual thoughts while you masturbate) have anything to do with sexual orientation.

First, I have to ask you, what is your knowledge about attractions outside heterosexuality?

(If you want to know more about it, here’s a lexicon where you can learn basic concepts: https://en.fondationemergence.org/lexique)

Also, why are you saying that you don’t like the thoughts that pop into your head while you masturbate even if it feels good?

The first thing you need to know is that attractions are complex and it’s easy to feel confused and overwhelmed by it, even more during teenage years! Sexual orientation is fluid and can change over time. Being attracted to men doesn’t mean that you’re straight and being attracted to women doesn’t mean that you’re gay, there is a lot between that and it can change over time.

You say that you’re attracted to women, perfect, now that you know that you can figure out if you’re also attracted to men or not. Time and experiences will tell you.

I don’t know in what kind of environment you grew up, but an homophobic family and education can have a lot of influence on us. If that is your case, I encourage you to break free from those conservative beliefs (even if you identify as straight) to have a great attitude towards people outside heterosexuality.

I think it’s important for you to be open about those questions and I encourage you to continue on that path!

I hope to have helped you in some way, don’t hesitate to write to us again!

Camille (elle/she)