22 September 2005

I am wondering for my son...

My son, 17, who lives with his father, ex military in Georgia, just called me the other day and told me that not only is he gay, but he wants to start hormone treatment for transexual surgery. He also got himself a job under the pretense of being a girl. He dresses in female clothing only. He lies about his gender. He tells others he is a girl. He decided to drop out of school and wanting to go to Beauty School upon completion of his GED. He wants to move back down to Florida near me to live his lifestyle. I love my son regardless of his orientation, he is my child no matter what. However, I am not sure how to deal with this situation and how to give him the best support. Where I live, gay lifestyle is not very acceptable. Especially, when blatantly flaunted. I am worried about his safety when encountering others who rather bash gay lifestyle.
My fiance already said, that he accepts and loves Alex regardless, but he will not tolerate blatant gay behavior in our house.
His father although very nice to him can’t wait for Alex to move out his house. Alex’s brother seems very nice, too, as well as his step sister. His step brother is the typical jerk who enjoys cutting Alex down and drown him with humiliation and insults.
Please give me advice on how to best support him.
Thank you Lexi


Dear Lexi,

Thank you for writing in about your concerns about your adolescent — You brought up issues regarding your child’s gender identity (ie that she is identifying as female and was born male), and around her sexual orientation (that she identitifies as gay). You also mentioned being concerned about your child’s safety from ‘gay bashers’ .

You are not alone in struggling with your feelings concerning your child’s gender identity, sexual orientation, and safety. In fact, a group called PFLAG, which has been around for a long time, formed to provide a supportive space for parents and friends of gay, lesbian and transgender people to talk about their feelings and strategies at how best to be ally to their loved one.

To find your local PFLAGT (Parents, Families, and Friends of Lesbians and Gays and Transgenders) go to the following website: www.pflag.ca

There is also a book that has come highly recommended that you might find helpful to read. It is called ‘Trans Forming Families’ by Mary Boenke. A brief description of the book and how to order it can be found on the following website:


As a final word, I would just like to mention that there is no one ‘gay lifestyle’. Gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender people have a very wide ranging and divergent way of being in the world. There is no one ‘gay’ way of life.

Best regards,