15 April 2008

Does my friend have feelings for me?

I have a friend who is 24 and I am 34. We talk about everything and we argue every week because no one has really stated how they feel about each other. He has asked if he moved in with me, would I put him out and tells me he loves me all the time. Our feelings are stronger than those purely based on friendship and yet he still has baggage and feelings for one of his exes. He doesn’t like me to be involved in this situation.
I have been there for him on his good days and his bad days, yet we haven’t moved any further; so I broke it off with him. However, he won’t leave and keeps coming back. We never kissed or had sex but he talks more of the future than before.
What is going on now, am I being impatient or is this just a game?

Lorin Young

Hi Diva – thank you for your question.

Relationships are difficult, both with friends and with partners. Sometimes the most difficult, but also that which may be the most satisfying, are when we commence a romantic relationship with someone who was previously a good friend.

If I understand correctly, your question is whether this is evolving into a romantic relationship. One of the best ways to find out is to sit down with your friend and talk openly about what you feel and about what you want.

Tell him that you are not interested in playing games and that you want resolution of the current confusion. Ask him what he wants now and in the immediate future. I get the feeling that you are also a little confused about what you want, although you did not state this clearly in your question.

Thus, perhaps you should ask him not to contact you for a week and sit down and figure out what it is that you want and how you feel about him. Sometimes it is hard to discern what we want when we are immersed in the throes of our emotions and the emotions of others.

Best of luck, and don’t hesitate to write back if you have other questions,


L. for AlterHeroes