16 February 2006

Can I change the fact that I am feeling more feminine than masculine ?

I think I am transgendered but, don’t want to believe my marriage and life has been a lie.
My question is this…How can you change what you feel on the inside? How can you avoid what feels like an inevitable sex change?
I love my wife and family very much but, I have the strongest feminine desires I have ever had. I feel like I am not supposed to be a man. I feel more feminine than masculine. How can you change that? I am on the verge of losing my wife of almost 8 years because I don’t know how to deal with these feelings. I try to run from it but, somehow it always catches up with me.
I want to know that I can beat this. I have been told that whether I want or not I will eventually become female.


Dear Christopher,

The struggle and pain you are going through comes through clearly in your words. I think it is really important to allow time and space to work through the questions and feelings you have about your gender identity. It is also important not to try and do it all on your own, and to look for support in as many places as possible. Perhaps one place to start is to find a counsellor or therapist that you find helpful and will provide a space to air some of your concerns. Also, I think it is important to know that whatever comes of exploring your feelings, it is possible to have a happy and fulfilling life — whether as cis or trans person.

I hope this is helpful, and please feel free to write back again.

All the best,