She won’t date me but won’t keep her hands off me


Hi Tiffany!

Thanks for coming to AlterHeros with your question.

It sounds like your friend is giving you some mixed signals. She has previously denied your requests to go on a date, but at the same time, she acts rather affectionately towards you.

First off, it’s important to have a serious talk with her about your friendship and your feelings towards her. You may want to ask her why she has denied you previously and why she acts affectionately towards you if she has said she doesn’t want to go out with you.

Secondly, do you know if your friend is attracted to females? If she has just recently come out, she may be going through an unsteady time in her life in dealing with her sexuality and may not be ready to date. Perhaps she needs time to adjust to this new revelation in her life before she enters into a relationship. If she is not attracted to females, then the situation gets a bit harder. Perhaps her affectionate feelings towards you are just her way of showing her friendship and nothing more. Again, only by sitting down and talking to her can you find out why she’s acting the way she is.

Whatever the reason is behind her actions towards you, if it is causing you undue stress, try telling her that what she’s doing is “driving you crazy”. Maybe you can explain to her that you don’t understand why she is acting affectionately towards you even while she says she doesn’t want to go out on a date with you.

I hope your conversation with your friend clears things up for you. Please, don’t hesitate to come back to AlterHeros in the future!

All the best,

Kelley, for AlterHeros


About Kelley R

Kelley is currently in her last year at Concordia University, studying Psychology and Interdisciplinary Studies in Sexuality. For two years, she lived and worked in the university residence halls as a Resident Assistant where she played an active part in aiding the residents as they made the change from high school to university life. In high school, Kelley was a member of her school’s gay-straight alliance. She held the president role in her last year where she led meetings and organized events to foster the growth of a tolerant campus.

I’m interested in being apart of AlterHeros because I have a passion for helping others. I feel that it is important to have an online resource where people can come to with their questions and have them answered in a relatively private setting, especially for those who may face discrimination in their home setting for coming forward with these types of questions.

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