Making gay jokes may have changed the dynamic between my best friend and I. How do I fix it?

Hey! Ok my situation is like this. I have a best friend and we are really close. We hang out all the time and do a lot together and have known each other for a long time now. We know everything about each other from the deepest secrets and we can talk about anything to each other. We always used to mess around and talk homo like to each other and then I really liked it. And one day he tried to tell me that he liked it too and that he thinks he was turning gay and not knowing if he was joking or not and if he wanted me to come out to him or not, I gave him a really shocked reply. Then he said he was kidding. Ever since then and slowly, I try talking to him in the same homo best friend type we used to talk and act but he acts all strictly and doesn’t even joke around anymore. I mean we still best friends and really close but he just tries not to act gay around me anymore. I really miss the old him and I wish I could tell him that I like him but I can’t risk my friendship with him.


Hi Ahmed,

It is possible that your best friend is probably gay, and was trying to come

out to you, but was frightened off by your shocked reply. I mean, if

you two used to joke around in the past, and you say that you liked

it, he probably took your reciprocation in this joking around as a

sign that you are a trustworthy person, someone who potentially feels

the same way. I’m not sure what you said to him at the time that may

have scared him off, but it sounds like his “strict” behaviour now is

an effort to cover up his hurt feelings.

What I would do is invite your friend over for a talk. You don’t have

to get super serious about it, but just tell him that you know you’re

best buds, and you’ve noticed a change in his behaviour. Tell him you

like the way the two of you used to joke around, and say that you

didn’t mean to hurt his feelings when he brought up the subject of

homosexuality, but you weren’t sure what to say to him at the time.

You should definitely encourage him to be himself around you, by

making sure he knows that you are comfortable with him, whether he’s

gay, straight or still in the process of figuring it all out.

Don’t be afraid to express your feelings about your friend, but for

this particular talk, keep the focus on the friendship. Make sure he

knows you two are still buddies. You may decide to take things to

another level, at some point, but for right now, it sounds like you

both need to get that friendship back on track.

Hope that helps,