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18 November 2009

I'm gay, but keep having 'straight' dreams.

Ever since I became sexually cognisant, I have identified as gay. From that time onward, all my sexual fantasies, dreams &c. have been about men, but lately I’ve been having what can only be termed “straight” dreams, or dreams in which I am confronted with two options, a man and a woman. The man has always been this guy to whom I am attracted, but the woman has been imaginary. In my dreams they tell me that I must make a choice between the two of them, but I tell them I cannot as I care for both of them.
These dreams have been bothering me excessively since I’ve never really questioned my sexuality before–I’ve always just known to whom I was attracted. What could be the cause of this sudden confusion? I am under a lot of stress right now, but is that the sole reason for these dreams?

Hillary Greer

Hi Gwénaël, thanks for sharing your question with Alterheros.

Although I am far from an expert about dreams and their significance, I will try my best to work through this situation with you. It can be overwhelming and confusing when your own thoughts and emotions seem out of your control. We, as humans, so often need to feel in control of everything in our environment, especially our own minds and bodies. However, as many people believe, sexuality is one of many elements in our lives that we really don’t have control over. It is not believed to be something that is chosen and lots of individuals have suggested that it is fluid, therefore having the ability to change over your lifetime.

Frustrating, I know. After exploring yourself and discovering your homosexuality, after coming out and developing your identity as a gay man, it might be possible that at some point you will change and start having heterosexual attractions. These are theories, obviously, nobody can know for sure what is possible and what is true when it comes to issues as complex as human sexuality.

This does not necessarily apply to you, though. Lets take a look at what these dreams could mean and where they could be coming from. You say that in the dreams the woman is imaginary and you are being forced to choose between the two genders. I am not qualified to analyze what these things might mean, but we can explore where they might be coming from. What is going on in your life right now? Have you recently come out to some new people? Have you encountered any kind of homophobia or oppression in your life that might be occupying your subconscious? Is someone in your life questioning themselves, coming out or starting a new relationship? Are you having to make a decision or choice in another area of your life right now (ie. deciding what school to go to, or what career to pursue)? Any of these things could possibly ignite your mind and initiate some questioning and exploration.

Dreams do not have to hold any significance in your daily life though, they can stay where they are. It might be interesting though, if you haven’t already, to think about it more when you are awake. How do these thoughts make you feel? If they make you scared or uncomfortable, why?

Gwénaël, I understand why these sudden and unexpected questions would be bothering you so much, but try to go easy on yourself. Questioning your life and the steps that you are taking can always be a positive exercise and an important step to really understanding yourself. We might not always know where the questions came from, we might not always like having to explore them, and sometimes we might not like the answer we find at the end, but it must be better than walking blindly through life.

I hope this helped and let us know if you have any more questions!

Hillary, for Alterheros

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