I’m gay, but keep having ‘straight’ dreams.


Hi Gwénaël, thanks for sharing your question with Alterheros.

Although I am far from an expert about dreams and their significance, I will try my best to work through this situation with you. It can be overwhelming and confusing when your own thoughts and emotions seem out of your control. We, as humans, so often need to feel in control of everything in our environment, especially our own minds and bodies. However, as many people believe, sexuality is one of many elements in our lives that we really don’t have control over. It is not believed to be something that is chosen and lots of individuals have suggested that it is fluid, therefore having the ability to change over your lifetime.

Frustrating, I know. After exploring yourself and discovering your homosexuality, after coming out and developing your identity as a gay man, it might be possible that at some point you will change and start having heterosexual attractions. These are theories, obviously, nobody can know for sure what is possible and what is true when it comes to issues as complex as human sexuality.

This does not necessarily apply to you, though. Lets take a look at what these dreams could mean and where they could be coming from. You say that in the dreams the woman is imaginary and you are being forced to choose between the two genders. I am not qualified to analyze what these things might mean, but we can explore where they might be coming from. What is going on in your life right now? Have you recently come out to some new people? Have you encountered any kind of homophobia or oppression in your life that might be occupying your subconscious? Is someone in your life questioning themselves, coming out or starting a new relationship? Are you having to make a decision or choice in another area of your life right now (ie. deciding what school to go to, or what career to pursue)? Any of these things could possibly ignite your mind and initiate some questioning and exploration.

Dreams do not have to hold any significance in your daily life though, they can stay where they are. It might be interesting though, if you haven’t already, to think about it more when you are awake. How do these thoughts make you feel? If they make you scared or uncomfortable, why?

Gwénaël, I understand why these sudden and unexpected questions would be bothering you so much, but try to go easy on yourself. Questioning your life and the steps that you are taking can always be a positive exercise and an important step to really understanding yourself. We might not always know where the questions came from, we might not always like having to explore them, and sometimes we might not like the answer we find at the end, but it must be better than walking blindly through life.

I hope this helped and let us know if you have any more questions!

Hillary, for Alterheros


About Hillary Greer

Hillary is currently completing her Bachelor of Social Work at McGill University, hoping to continue on to her Master degree after. When she lived in Toronto, she volunteered and worked at an alternative youth and family counselling organization with Dr. Karyn Gordon. Since moving to Montreal, she has completed an internship at Head and Hands, and has now been involved with AlterHeros for almost two years! She am now doing an internship at the MAB-Mackay Rehabilitation center, working with families of young children with hearing impairments and developmental delays.

Being a part of the outreach team at AlterHeros has given me the chance to explore a wide variety of topics and connect with the queer community a bit more. I had a lot of emotional support growing up and was supported in whatever choices I made. I love being involved with Tell the Experts because it enables me to be able to connect with individuals who might be looking for that kind of support for themselves. Growing up, exploring and questioning yourself, and coming out can be difficult and sometimes scary, and I am thrilled to be able to help as many people as possible to make this journey an easier one.

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