28 juillet 2009

I was always a lesbian, am I turning bisexual over one man?

Call me Cris. I’m confused and afraid with my feelings.for almost 13 years ive been living happily as a lesbian then after our break up with my girlfriend for 3 years, things have changed.it all started when i met a man last may. We become good friends. After a week I’ve been disturbed by a strange feelings like missing him, thinking of him, dreaming etc…. that it never happen to me before. Is it because of his good attitude like being sweet, caring, thoughtful etc..?
It really scared me to death thinking that I’m a bisexual. My friends and families accepted me already as a lesbian, then all of a sudden this crazy feeling appeared. I don’t know how to face and handle it. I’m really confused, don’t know what to do. Pls i need your advice.
thanks and more power

Lorin Young

Hi Cris –

Thank you for your letter. We tend to identify our sexuality a certain way as it makes it easier for us, as humans, to explain to ourselves and to others our attractions. However, sexuality exists on a continuum. Some people are attracted to the opposite sex 99.9% of the time, so they would likely be labeled as heterosexual. Others are attracted to the same sex 99.9% of the time, and they would likely be labeled homosexual. Then there are those who may say they’re 50:50, so they would probably call themselves bisexual. But what about those who tend to be attracted to the same sex 75% of the time, but have the occasional encounter with the opposite sex that they find appealing sexually, emotionally, etc.? Perhaps they identify themselves as bisexual, perhaps as homosexual – it is different for each person. Beyond just the sex of potential partners, we tend to be attracted to certain traits and qualities. Maybe this man has many of the qualities you like in women and you had simply not found a man previously who embodied these particular traits. Everyone has their mix of masculine and feminine traits and this man may have the mix that you normally find attractive in women. However, it doesn’t make it wrong to feel this way just because he has an X and a Y instead of 2 X chromosomes.

Admittedly, it is possible that you feel attracted to being with him at this time because he is filling a space that you now have due to your break-up. But by exploring this possibility what do you have to lose beyond crashing down some possible misperceptions of yourself? Don’t limit your happiness by a label. If this man makes you feel both happiness and excitement in his presence, then why not give it a try? Yes, it will be complicated as the perception of yourself and the perception by others of you will change, but you may find you like the possibilities this opens up to you.

Best of luck in this process.

Sincerely –

Lorin for Alterheros