26 septembre 2010

I hate love and dating - they're boring!

Dear Expert,
I have a question. My question is it weird to hate dating and falling in love or being in love?
I hate dating and love. I think it’s waste of time being in love. I think it is very boring to fall in love. I’m not bisexual. I didn’t tell anyone how I feel. But it is weird to hate love or dating?

Seynabou Thiam

Dear Maria,

I don’t believe this is a weird question at all; your point of view may or may not be affected by your previous dating experiences, but that put aside, there are 2 possibilities to your feelings:

1) You may feel what is described as ‘aromantic’, a.k.a. that you don’t feel any physical or emotional attraction for the same/opposite sex; this isn’t abnormal, maybe you just don’t see what people find so thrilling in romantic relationships, or emotions don’t string any vibrant cord in you while you’re dating. Love isn’t peculiarly stupid, but the way it has been forced upon each and everyone by society and its values can make falling in love-love very exhausting and in the end, seem quite futile. See how in 3/4 of movies, love is unconditional, immediate and irreversible: unlikely it would happen in real life so often, but it makes people wonder and hope for something too idealistic…

2) And this here is my cheesy moment of the day: the second possibility is that you probably haven’t found a person with whom anything real has sparked; what you’ve experienced up till now may not have been real love yet; because if what you feel while you’re with you ex-significant-other was boredom and the impression of losing time, that isn’t a good sign!

So what I’d humbly suggest would be two things; in any of the two cases I’ve mentioned above, try to date outside your normal range (whatever your normal is =D ); try something new, someone that’s your opposite or your double, someone from the other side of the world, someone that would be your personal challenge… and the 2nd thing is: if in the end you feel the same way, then there’s no reason for you to force yourself in doing something you hate. For some unfathomable reason society tends to frown upon those who wish to remain single, but hey, if it works for you, go for it!

Come back if you have any questions or clarifications if needed, I’ll be glad to help!


Sen for Alterheros