30 août 2010

I don't want to waste my teen years on the 'wrong' sex.

Hi, I am an unsure 15 year old. I have liked girls all throughout middle school, but suddenly I found myself becoming sexually attracted towards guys.
It’s something I wouldn’t want, but would know if would have to face if it is real. I like girls, I find myself attracted emotionally and midly sexually, but to guys I have no emotional connection, and an almost overpowering sexual attraction.
I am not sure if I am just fearful of the weird hormones during puberty, going through a weird phase with weird fantasies, or if I’m doomed to having only partially «whole» relations with either sex. I know I have a long time to decide, and I’ve been thinking about it for a long time, but the thoughts are conflicting and I’m still not sure. And I don’t want to waste any part of my teenage years on a sex which I actually can’t have a fulfilling relationship with.

Zhen X.

Hi Isaiah,

Thank you for writing to Alterheros.

I am glad that you are aware of the fact that you are young and thus have plenty of time to decide. First of all, give yourself a pat on the back for that because many people your age are not aware of that. I know at 15 years old, it can be a very confusing period. It takes time (a short time for some, while a long time for others) to get to know yourself and your sexuality. Of course, life is never easy, and sometimes we should all take a step back to evaluate/reflect if we are living our lives to the fullest. So don't let confusion get in your way of living your life to the fullest.

Have you tried to have a fulfilling relationship with either sex, now or in the past?

There's no right or wrong answer here. Everybody is different, and things happen at different speeds/different points in life for everyone. Taking time to get to know yourself better is never a waste of time, especially during the teenage years, a time in which self discovery is an important process for personal growth in all areas into early adulthood and beyond. You're very aware of your changes in sexual and emotional attraction. Therefore, you're not “doomed to having only partially «whole» relations with either sex” like you said, because you know what you want and like (even if they might seem like they are in conflict with each other).

It will take a little time and risk to find out which sex you will have the most fulfilling relationships with, or you might even discover you can have fulfilling relationships with both sexes. I hope this helps! If you have further questions, please don't hesitate in writing to us again.

Z for Alterheros