Hello Kelsey,

I can see how this must be such a difficult and confusing time for you.

The most important thing is that you were brave enough to ask for help.

That is such a huge step to take. Most adults can’t even do that.

Therapy does take time. And finding a therapy that is suited to your

particular needs is a hard thing to be patient about, but when you do

cater to your needs, there is so much less in this world to be frustrated

about.

I think there are a lot of issues going on here at once.

I’ve been around a lot of people with high wielding tempers, and what I

noticed was that people don’t get angry because of the problem at hand.

Like for example, your grades come back for an assignment you worked three

hours on, and you failed. Your immediate reaction might be, « This teacher

sucks. I hate this school. I hate my life! ARGH! » (and then throwing a

book at someone, or a chair….etc.)

But in all of that, the grade wasn’t what set you off. It was that feeling

of being deprived of something you felt you deserved. Your comfort level being

abused. Your loss of control. Your feelings of anxiety and self-loathing

playing with your reality (how well you did on that test making you see

yourself as low as that grade). Once you figure out the root of what made you have that feeling, it really is like a weight shedding itself.

Much of the time it’s a mixture of emotions that you want to deflect as far

as possible. In my experience at least, that’s what I’ve noticed. There are many support groups for people dealing with being gay/bi/queer

in most areas, popping up now, and they can be valuable for each person especially

when you’re dealing with your sexuality causing turmoil with your current

relationships. When it bleeds into areas of your life you have no control over

because of religious teachings, or culture/tradition, etc. it can help to be

around people who are dealing with the same thing. So you know and feel that

you are not alone.

You can’t change your parents, if they do change their minds, it’ll have to be

when they’re ready to. It’s not something that you will change, and hopefully, you

live your life in a way that takes care of yourself, and looks after yourself,

so that if things don’t work out because of your sexuality, you are taken care of.

It’s hard not having parental acceptance. But that’s a relationship process where

as you’re learning who you are, and what your needs are that you need fulfilling,

so are they. We teach others how to treat us by letting them know what our needs

are. But that alone can not do it. And you shouldn’t go through this alone.

I think the most important thing right now, is that you get yourself some stability

in some sort of support system, and that you trust in yourself, and open up to

others about your feelings. Making scars on your body that show what you feel,

yet heal in some sort of mockery of your pain, isn’t worth your time and effort.

It’s also dangerous, depending what you’re cutting yourself with, how often, and

concerning infections-you have so much more to offer yourself than this. And you

deserve to be happy.

It’s good your therapist knows you’re cutting. There are also support groups for

these things too. Definitely get checked out to make sure your body is alright.

Scars are surface level, and your pain is deep, but you can get through it.

You are strong enough.

We hold such high regard for our parents. Yours being conservative/catholic is not

really what makes a person not accepting. Usually, it is fear. How others will

react. How God will judge? I won’t get into religious arguments. I don’t think you

need that, or it will help, because like I said, no one can change your parent’s

minds until they decide their priorities and faith can co-exist in keeping a good

relationship. It is worth their time. You are worth having in people’s lives. And

having parents that are understanding and loving. Sometimes we need to make our

lives what we need it to be, and deserve, in the meantime.

Please inform your therapist of your mom’s physical abuse. You need someone with the ability to responsibly involve themselves on your behalf, to protect you.

Thank you for writing us. I hope this has helped you in some way.

You are brave, Kelsey.

There are hotlines if ever you feel like you cannot wait till therapy to call

if you need to talk. Here are some additional resources for you:

Gay & Lesbian National Hotline

1-888-THE-GLNH (1-888-843-4564)

Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, and Transgender (GLBT) Youth Support Line

1-800-850-8078

1-800-398-GAYS

http://www.lgbtcenters.org/

Self-Injury Hotline

SAFE (Self Abuse Finally Ends) Alternatives Program

www.selfinjury.com

1-800-DONT CUT (1-800-366-8288)

Youth Crisis Hotline

1-800-448-4663

1-800-422-0009