What is Demifluid gender?


I’m confused about my gender and I don’t know what to do. I’ve always been cisgender, but technically I never got a say in how I want to define myself. I’m happy with she/her pronouns, though I’m thinking I wouldn’t mind they/them, since it’s neutral.
What is Demifluid gender? I recently heard about this identity and i think it kinda clicked with me. I believe it’s when part of your gender always stays the same while the other part is more fluid. For me, I’m always a woman, but there’s this non-binary/genderqueerness that I think is present in a fluid way. But then I think I’m just trying to be different and making it up?
Is it possible to be partly cisgender, and partly non-binary? And Is it possible my gender expression is drives my gender identity?
M
Hello M!
Thank you for reaching out to AlterHéros for your concerns about gender identity. I understand that you are seeking information about gender identities, now that you have a say in how you define yourself. You are interested in knowing what being demifluid implies, and if you can be partly a cisgender woman and partly non-binary.
I want to start off saying that I’m really happy for you to feel more free to define yourself. Gender is complex, and it can be disorienting to find ours. It is already a great step to find out which pronouns define you best!
I am borrowing this image from a really good answer written by my colleague, explaining what being demiboy means, to better explain what being demifluid is.

Demifluid is not included in it because it is a fairly new term. However, the way you defined it was very right. Being demifluid means that you may have a static gender, with a part of you that is always changing in a fluid, queer way.
Being demiboy, demigirl or demifluid falls under the Non-Binary spectrum. Being demigirl means that you identify partly as a girl, and partly to another gender. For example, one could identify most to being a girl/woman, and partly neutral. The contrary is also true, where someone could be mostly neutral and partly girl/woman/female. Also, someone could identify equally as much to girl/woman/female as to neutral! Same applies for demiboy, but with identifying as boy/man/male.
That being said, one can be demigirl, identifying as a girl/woman/female as well as fluid.  The word demifluid is also very good to put emphasis on your genderfluid identity. What I’m trying to say is, there are many words that exist to express gender fluidity, and it is to your discretion to find the one that feels the more you.
I understand you are worried that you just want to be different or that you are making it up. It is a very common concern among people who don’t identify within the more “mainstream” LGBT identities. But non-binary genders and people have always existed, and the more words we create to express gender identities, the more we come close to be able to accurately describe human complexity.  If you’d like to learn about the history of non-binary and trans people, I recommend this excellent book.
As you can see, you can very well be partly a woman and partly non-binary. Any combination of gender that you may feel is completely valid. Many people identify with many genders, and a lot of people have both a “binary” gender (man or woman) and a non-binary gender.
There is no need or rush to find a label either! A lot of non-binary people solely identify as non-binary, because finding a label that encompasses your whole gender as a non-binary person can be very hard in such a binarist society. If you’d like to explore other labels, you can also browse this website.
Finally, you ask if it’s possible your gender expression is what drives your gender identity. What I understand is that you are wondering if expressing yourself in a feminine way for example, is what’s making you a girl/woman/female. I would tend to say that your identity, female, male, fluid, neutral or else, is influencing how you express yourself. I believe that your manners, vocabulary and style are a reflection of who you are! Dressing up girly or manly doesn’t imply a certain identity either. The beauty of gender roles, identities and expressions is that they are meant to be reinvented, shaped and mixed.
If you have more question or want to address something more specific, don’t hesitate to write back!
I wish you the best, take care! 🙂
Fanny, for AlterHéros.
 

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