9 February 2023

Is sexual orientation innate or do you get it when you grow up? Is my sexual orientation caused by trauma?

Hello  Can you plese answer some of my questions  Were does sexual orientasion comes it innate orr you get it wen you grew up? Can you tell me about the diffrent labels?  My mother keep on saying that it is phase and becuse i am weelchair she keept an telling me that maybe some girls have hurt emotsionally can this be true?   one psygolochist sayd that my sexuality in result of tràuma?  Can sexual orientasion really change so if i am know gay right now but somewere down the road i will be straight?  it took a lot work do try accept myself but this questions keep coming to mind.  Can you tell me what makes up human sexuality the psysical and emotsional aspects of it?  I want to be in realionhip with a guy. I like there bodys every aspects of them and i do not desire woman and for some reason i feel bad about it.  One part of me knows i like man but the other part is so terrified that things will change and people keep talking about fluity. i feel destroyd that my sexual orientasion does not seem do be changing it has been stable for 14 year sense puberty. I am also been diagnosed with organic depresioon and a part of me would really want to be straight i keep thinking maybe something cause it becuse i also had a lot psygological traumas wen i was young aand the realionship with my dad is not good he hates that i like men. he sayd i have a deviation but i really would like to know what you guys think.  Best wishes!!!!

Thank you for reaching out, I’m very happy to answer your questions today.
So, over the years there have been many semi-scientific attempts to explain how sexual orientation is developed. The current most popular theory is that it’s partly explained by interactions between biological, environmental, cultural and historical factors. For example, it would be difficult to identify as gay if you never heard the word and never saw or heard of same sex couples.
Meaning it’s both innate and acquired and also neither, it’s an ensemble of many factors together, and one single individual thing cannot by itself cause or change it.
I want to be very clear about the following :
  • Over time, a person can discover new things about themselves, or learn to better understand what kind of person they’re attracted to. This does not mean sexual orientation is a temporary easily discarded phase.
  • Traumatic events can influence your relationship and feelings towards sexuality and relationships, however it cannot cause or change someone’s sexual orientation.
  • Being hurt emotionally by people of a gender, girls or otherwise, cannot cause or change someone’s sexual orientation.
  • Having a bad relationship with a parent cannot cause or change someone’s sexual orientation.
  • Being gay isn’t a deviation, it’s not bad or wrong or shameful.
  • People in wheelchairs absolutely can, and have been, LGBTQ+.
  • You are valid. It’s okay for your to like guys and want to be in a relationship with one.
I understand you feel some shame about being gay and wish you would’ve been straight. We unfortunately live in a society that sees gay people and relationships as less important, sometimes even inadequate or perverse somehow. So we cope with that context however we can. I just want to tell you that they’re wrong, and that being gay can be a beautiful experience full of love and joy.
You wanted to hear about the different labels. You already know homosexual, or more commonly gay, liking people of the same gender. People can also identify as bisexual for liking people of different genders, men and women for exemple, or pansexual for liking people independtly of gender. Bi and pan can be similair, some people use both, other have a preference for one or the other. Some people aren’t attracted by anyone and will go by asexual and/or aromantic. There’s also queer, a more complex and political identity meaning not hetero but avoiding being more specific than that. There’s more, but I’d say those are the most common ones at least.
You also asked about the physical and emotional aspects of human sexuality. That’s a pretty big question! I’d say it can mean something different for different people, but there’s usually a component of intimacy and physicality, sometimes love but not only. Sexuality is not only about genitals and penetration, that can be a part of it, but mostly I would say it’s a connexion between people who have a good time. I don’t know if that makes sense?
I hope my answers will help, but if anything isn’t super clear or if you have any other questions please feel free to send us another message.
Best of luck to you, take care 🙂