I was hoping someone could point me to where I can find resources that talk about bisexual people with a more similar experience to mine...

Hi,

I’ve always identified as being a cis heterosexual male but have been questioning my sexuality for about 2 years now. I’m slowly accepting that I might actually be bi (probably a 2 on the Kinsey scale). I’ve always been a LGBTQ+ ally but have always had difficulty accepting anything other than straight for myself.

I’m in a fairly new committed heterosexual relationship with a girl I love and that loves me. I’ve finally been able to open up about this with her and she was extremely accepting.

It felt good to be heard, not judged, and has removed a lot of weight from my shoulders. I am happy with her, I feel satisfied sexually, and am happy being faithful to her.

I’d love to be able to hear from other men who’ve been through a similar change. Most of what I found online showcased men who initially identified as gay who then realized they liked both. I had trouble relating to them and was hoping someone could point me to where I can find resources that talks about people with a more similar experience to mine.

Best,

Maxim-e

Hi,

I’m really happy to read that after a few years questionning you started to accept the possibility being bisexual. Congrats on coming out to your girlfriend as well! I can assure you that you can be in a happy monogamous relationship with a girl, and also generaly prefer girls over boys, while still being bi. It’s a very valid experience even if it isn’t represented in the media very often.

Lots of times, as bisexuals, we’ll be categorized as either straight or gay depending on the gender of the person we’re with at the moment. That could be part of the reason you haven’t felt safe to ex^;pre your orientation. Unless you’re dating a man and a woman simultanously (and even then) bisexuality can sometimes feel like an invisible sexual orientation in our society. I think you might be interested in this TedTalk : Bi the way, we exist.

One example of good bi representation I can think of is Heartstopper. In the show, one of the main characters discovers being bi after thinking he was straight for most of his life. While it centers on a male/male couple, it still does a really good job to explore the hesitatiosn and worries one can have while discovring being bisexual. I truly recommend it!

Darryl’s character in Crazy ex-girlfriend also deals with the doiscovery of liking men and women after years of heterosexuality, most notably in this classic musical number.

I think besides that, I would propose verilybitchie’s YouTune channel. In her videos she talks about bisexual history, representation, advocacy, relationships and a bunch of other related topics. Super interesting stuff.

I hope at least some of this kinda helps. You’re most definitely not the first or the only man to discover their attraction to other men a bit after their attraction to women.

Wishing you all the best during this Pride month,

Maxim·e, intervenant·e pour AlterHéros

Iel/they/them, accords neutres