I took a molly pill and went to a club where I had my first questioning on if I’m gay since a man looked at me from distance…


Hello, im 23 year old on November 2.. I took a molly pill and went to a club where i had my first questioning on if im gay since a man looked at me from distance..
Since this day I started overthinking and checking and obsessing over guy and gay thoughts.. I dont go a minute without thinking of it and its gotten to the point where i dont want to be with girls when truly ive always been straight and loved and been atttacted to them.. my loss of desire and appeal for girls and surely ramped up my belief i really am gay.. now today im at a point where i can barely work through a shift of 8 hours so i had to adapt and open up to my close friends and tell them I might have to label myself gay for now to help cope with my anxiety.. Idk what to do but i just wish i was like before and just attracted to girls and still want to be straight and not gay..
Idk what to do but im definitely depressed and unsure of myself but everything seems like im gay..
Anthony
 
Hello,
Thank you for sharing with us your concern the impacts of your drug intake on your sexuality. You consumed molly a few months back and, while you were high, you experienced a homosexual attraction for someone. Ever since that experience, you have been wondering if you are gay or if you have turned gay. It makes you anxious because you have never had such experience prior to that moment. You feel so consumed by your anxiety that it has an impact on your work. You can’t focus. Your thoughts are so overwhelming that you have decided to be open about it to your friends. You feel confused, down, and you are scared at the idea that you might be gay.
Molly is a drug with a lot of properties, changing someone’s sexual orientation is not one of them. There are not drugs that can change a person’s sexual orientation. If there were, homosexuality would probably have been eradicated by the homophobic psychologists who’ve been trying to shove down our throats their unsuccessful and violent conversion therapies for years.
What you are experiencing is something entirely else. You are wondering if what you have always thought about yourself is wrong. For anyone, that would be difficult. The identity that you have constructed and in which you find comfort might have to change to adapt to a new reality. It’s overwhelming. In a society in which homophobia is still omnipresent, it can be even more difficult.
What you are going through is completely normal. A lot of people question their sexuality at a moment or another throughout the course of their lives. While I can’t give straight answers to your questions, I can offer you tools that might guide you through your thought process.
Molly, like alcohol lowers your inhibitions. It means that in some ways it can make you more in touch with your inner self, but it also means that you can sometimes experience things that are beyond your usual or your current limits. It’s something that can be, again, quite overwhelming and that can leave you feeling emotionally raw. It is also possible that you might not have been in the emotional and the mental state to experience this possible revelation. While you are processing all of this, it might be interesting to also take the time to acknowledge your feelings and your limits. It is also an exercise that can be good to try out before taking a drug that can have an impact on our mood and our inhibitions. It lowers the risks of experiencing the type of anxiety you are going through right now.
You have experienced most of your life heterosexual attractions and desires. You have had a gay moment in early November. You have been since then invaded by homosexual thoughts.
Sexuality is not black or white. While some people might never see any change in their sexuality, others sometimes see their sexual orientation fluctuate through time. It could be that this is what you are currently experiencing.
You could also have always been attracted to men and you are now coming to that realization. We live in a homophobic society and sometimes people suppress their homosexual feelings because it is easier that way.
You could very well be bisexual which would mean that you are both be attracted to men and women. The fact that you are attracted to men does not necessarily negate your attraction to women or for any other gender for that matter. Bisexual people come in all shapes and forms. Sometimes they prefer a gender, sometimes they don’t. Some go through phases and see their preferences vary over time. The fact that you are experiencing such strong desires for men does not mean that your attraction to women was or is not real.
And, gay or not, you have a whole new world of sexual possibilities and fantasies that you could now explore. It might be stressful for now, but it is an opportunity that not everybody gets to have.
The fact that you feel comfortable to talk about it with your friends is good. Having a support network, talking it out, can help us go through harder times and organize our thoughts.
If you want to meet up with people who have or who are going through similar questions, I recommend checking out this organism: Project 10
If you prefer to have support outside a LGBTQ+ organization, I suggest you to take a look on this sexologist website, Patrice Becotte, who will offer you support according to your questions about sexuality and drug use. He adjusts the rates according to his clients’ incomes.
If you have more question or want to discuss something more specific, don’t hesitate to write back! 🙂
I wish you the best, take care!
Marie-Claire, volunteer for AlterHéros
 
Fun side note: Here is an interesting podcast on the origins of LSD, MDMA, and ECSTASY. It’s a brief history of those drugs, how they became illegal, and the current findings on their medical properties : Can you treat mental illness with psychedelics?
 


About Marie-claire

Marie-Claire has a degree in sexology from Université du Québec à Montréal. They like to bike, to read with a cappuccino in hand, and to give out ugly nicknames to her cats.

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