12 March 2011

I realized I feel like a man...

Since 3 or 4 years, I realized that I feel like a man, although I’m a girl, physically. When I was young, I was feeling like If I was born in the wrong body. That made me feel very uncomfortable in public. Today, I feel angry when people call me by my “true” name or “Miss”, or everything that reminds me my real gender. To ease the situation, I wear daily men clothes and my close friends call me by a male name. Moreover, I realized that I’m attracted by men. As a result, I needed to share my problem with my parents fastly, because I became depressive and confused. However, they didint believe me, and they said that I was probably fool. They hope that I’ll be cared, some day, but I’m enough mature to know that the situation wont change. Later,I would like to become a realy man, but I’m afraid to loose my parent’s love. I need your help, to know how to make my parents understand my sorrow and my trouble. How should I expalin them the transsexuality(and also my “homosexuality”) issue?

Hillary Greer

Hi Raph,

It takes a lot of strength and courage to share your feelings with your friends and parents. It’s really great and impressive that you were brave enough to do this. It sounds like your friends are a great support to you! It is important to surround yourself with people who love and accept you the way that you are, especially as you are going through the process of discovering yourself right now. I can’t help but notice that you called your transidentity and homosexuality a ‘problem’. I’m wondering what about these things do you find to be a problem? I understand that it must be difficult for you to be confronted with gender pronouns and expectations on a day to day basis, and unfortunately society in general has stereotypes and preconcieved notions about what a man or a woman is supposed to be and look like.

You’re asking for help and advice about how to speak with your parents more about your transidentity and homosexuality again, without being judged and possibly losing their love. Not knowing you, your family, or where you live, it is difficult to give you this advice. Have you considered trying to find a therapist or perhaps a youth group for trans people in order to provide you with some guidance? You also mention that you have been feeling depressed and confused lately. I would suggest that you maybe try to find some more support services for yourself in some way. Depending on where you live, there are probably some groups and services available for youth that are free or very low cost. A quick google search of your area should give you some starting points!

Raph, I think it is important for you to keep in mind that this is your life and that you are the only one who can decide what happens in it. If you remember your limits and boundaries and never forget to respect yourself, you will ensure that you are making decisions for yourself and not just for others.

I hope this has been helpful to you, Raph. Please come back to Alterheros if you have any more questions!

Hillary, for Alterheros.