I feel like I’m living in hell


This is not a gender or sexuality related question. It’s just a question I can’t ask anyone else and need professional opinion on. I feel like I’m living in hell. Genuinely I’m starting to lose the concept of reality cause everything in my life hurts so much. I think I might be living in hell and I’m sorta scared that 1- I’m right or 2- I’m going crazy or 3- I’m in so much pain this is the only awnser I can come up with. What do I do ? I’m scared
 
Hi !
 
First, I want to thank you for asking your question to AlterHeros; this is indeed a very hard question and not every ear would be able to receive it.
 
I hear your feeling of living in an overwhelming world, in a living hell, and can relate to that feeling as part of big queer family. I will try to answer some of your answer and give you some directions as your question is broad and can definitely unfold in many ways.
 
Are you right and/or are you going crazy?
First thing, no one can ever invalidate the feeling you are experiencing and sharing. This is part of your own experience as a human being trying to navigate this very complicated world in which we find ourselves. Yes, as part of the queer community, no matter how our gender expression passes or not, we always have an intricate task of fitting in norms and expectations that might not align with our realities; specially when there isn’t much support available in our societies that understand, or even seek to understand, our realities. Having constantly the task to explain, educate, and not necessarily show our own dissatisfaction against this lack of understanding can result in feeling of distress, isolation, and definitely being scared of what is yet to come.
 
More specifically for your own question, I will not be able to give you a definite answer or a clear orientation as the feeling you are describing remains quite broad. On the other hand, what I can do is to ask you certain questions that might be useful to think about when you find a place to share this feeling with others.
 
One reflection that I would have and would love to share with you is to learn more about when, and in which situation, this feeling of living in hell started to emerge for you? Do you remember specific moments which could capture this feeling or even are there specific instances that most likely triggers this feeling? These questions aren’t either easy or fun to ask oneself but can be of good help when one tries to figure out how to plan a course of action or even make a hell like a livable space.
 
You are in pain…
I hear you and can feel the pain you are expressing. The other reflection that I have is concerning your feeling of starting to lose the concept of reality as everything hurts so much. This is a very serious feeling that you are sharing and thank you for doing so. What I could suggest concerning this feeling is quite related to my previous thoughts and it would be to find someone that you could possibly talk to regarding your current situation. Someone that can ear your pain, and understand the difficulties you are experiencing. And to help that person find the right kind of support you might be looking for would be to clarify, to some extent, that feeling of lost of contact with the concept of reality. One resource that I could orient you towards would be Trans Lifeline (877-330-6366) which is an organisation dedicated to help trans folks by facilitating justice-oriented and collective community aid to respond to the growing need of the trans community—their services include direct hotline, material support, advocacy, and education. Their hotline service is the only service run by and for the transgender community which offers a place for meaningful interactions and emotional support to improve the quality of all trans lives.
 
I would greatly suggest that you might contact Trans Lifeline to find someone with whom you could further understand and process these thoughts that you are sharing with us. I hope that you may find that you aren’t alone in that journey and your own reflection can actually help us all make to make our world a livable space for all queer folx.
 
Thank you again for having reached out to us, and please feel free to write to us again if you have more questions.
 
AlterHeros’ team

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