A psychiatrist answered the question this way: “Once most people adjust to the reality of their child’s sexual orientation, they feel like they’ve had a whole new world opened to them.

“First, they become acquainted with a side of their child they never knew. They now are included in their child’s life. Usually, they get closer. And the parents begin to meet the gay community and understand that these are people just like any other community.”

Another way to answer this question is to let some parents speak for themselves:

“I hit a point where I was feeling sad and thinking what would I say when people asked, ‘How is Gary?’ And then it occurred to me: Gary’s fine. I’m the one who’s not. And once I reached that point, it was easier…as we met Gary’s friends, we found them to be wonderful people and realized that he’s really part of a pretty terrific community. So what’s the problem? It’s society’s problem. That’s when we figured we were over the hump.”

— Mother of a gay son

“I’d say that reading and learning more about sexual orientation is what helped me most…laying to rest some of the myths I had heard…. So the more I learned, the angrier I got, and the more I wanted to change society instead of my son.”

— Mother of a gay son

“I think the turning point for me was when I read more about it, and read that most kids who can accept their sexuality say they feel calmer, happier and more confident. And of course, that’s what I wanted for my child and I sure didn’t want to be what was standing in the way of that.”

— Father of a gay son

“I was teary-eyed for three months off and on. But we’ve always had a very good relationship. It has never changed from that. We never had an instant’s question of our love for him, and we both assured him immediately that we loved him. And since then, our relationship with our son is strengthened, because we have a bond simply because we know what he is up against in our society.”

— Mother of a gay son

“It’s really important to talk about it, to know that you’re not alone, that there are other people who have had this experience and are dealing with it in a positive way. And the benefit is that you establish a good relationship with your child. Parents want to parent. They don’t, generally speaking, want to be isolated from their kid.”

— Mother of a lesbian daughter

“For me, it was my son’s saying to me, ‘Dad, I’m the same person I was before.’ Now it’s been six months, and I realize even more that really, nothing has changed in his life. It was our perception of him, I guess.”

— Father of a gay son

“I have to tell you, there are so many pluses now. You begin to recognize what an incredible child you have to share this with you and to want you to be a part of their lives…. [Look at] the trust that has been placed in your hands and how much guts it took to do that.”

— Father of a lesbian daughter

Adapted from “Our Daughters and Sons: Questions and Answers for Parents of Gay, Lesbian, and Bisexual People” written by PFLAG