5 November 2004

The Wounded Heart - How to Survive Love Betrayals

You have been together for some time now, while agreeing that you both want a LTR-Long term relationship. However, you seem to be the only one in it, which un-unknown to you has left your so-called partner leaving a trail of Hoochie candy for the world to see. What drives them to cheat when they can have it all at home?


You have been together for some time now, while agreeing that you both want a LTR-Long term relationship. However, you seem to be the only one in it, which un-unknown to you has left your so-called partner leaving a trail of Hoochie candy for the world to see. What drives them to cheat when they can have it all at home?

We all have heard the theories about fear of commitment, abused as a child, no role model, and gay lifestyle from the closet. This does not really matter when you are sitting there at two in the morning wondering how you have become someone’s ball and chain. Wondering where they are, whom they are with, and what you are doing. It is not an easy position to be in, some can attest to this fact more than others can. The hard part is just this. It is time to make a choice. Is the relationship a mistake, or worth saving? No one can make this choice except you. While the advice will arrive by the truckload, it is solely up to you. You know your heart, and if you want him then fight for him. If not, throw him back and hook another.

Relationships are becoming more common for gay couples in today’s world, of rights and political correctness issues; however, in the gay community the art of monogamy remains to escape some. There are many reasons and issues. The bottom line, if you say you want to be committed, this does not include two for one at the local lube shop.

Finding yourself here the betrayed, you have to make some choices. Coming from someone who knows the true burn of the flame, you cannot allow the drama and intensity to claim any more energy from you than possible. After the initial shock wears off, Anger will arrive. While you will find your nontraditional means of thereby soothing, it most likely will be rash and in the end of no real help in the already vile situation. Such as utilizing his Armani suit for cleaning the toilet, while you will feel the euphoria of a moment’s pleasure, you will eventually realize it was an act, which truly made you feel better only momentarily.

There is hope for the wounded heart if you are able to pull yourself out of the grip of the drama, and focus your energy on achieving positive results. The truth is simply that while others make choices that affect our life, we have to make our own choice. Sink into the vat of trailer talk show trash, or rise to the occasion showing only that we are mature refusing to become a typical stereotyped snow queen. It sucks not getting around that fact, but it is life. It is not necessarily a sign of a neglected partner, but more so; a partner that has issues with monogamy or trust.

The traditional means of recovering from a wounded heart.

Relationship rescue- Determining if this is the goal is your first step. You need to decide with your partner of this is mutually what the two of you wish to gain through whatever means possible. If this is the goal then a few suggestions you might follow.

Couples therapy- A place where communication that obviously went astray, utilized with the help and guidance of a professional; again and allow both parties to bring their feelings to the table. This can be a positive successful intervention for the struggling relationship, if both parties are open, honest, and willing. Make sure if this is the road to be taken, that you research the therapist and find a gay or gay friendly that will honestly offer guidance, and not bring anymore dysfunctional issues to the already shaken relationship.

If a professional intervention is not a mutually comfortable solution for both parties, there are self-help books. The distressed couple can utilize these. Finding a middle ground where you both agree to work honestly to rebuild the broken trust and betrayal. This is an achievable goal if both parties are Ernest in their efforts. This is an emotional time that requires each to approach the other in a non-threatening manor. The blame game can become overshadowing if enough energy becomes misguided its easily entrapped victim.

A mutual allowance of time probably needs too be observed by both parties to allow initial hurt feelings too settle before approaching the difficult issues. If you go into the matter with your feelings on your sleeve, the real issues will become unseen and you might do more harm than good. Causing further walls to develop becoming a hindrance, harming the relationship in the end.

One issue when dealing with infidelity that can be hard to swallow and accept by some is simply this. If you choose to forgive the wandering partner, you truly must forgive if you plan or hope for reconciliation of the relationship. While it may never regroup to what it once was, with true forgiveness it become a stronger and better relationship than before. However, if you plan to hold it over their head until time end, you will be sentencing you both to a relationship of pain, and blame. A non-healthy relationship to say the least, where mistrust and hurt will rule each. So while you may never be able to forget the trespass, make a decision if you can truly forgive, then do so in heart and mind.

These are but obvious steps in fixing the broken relationship. However, it is solely up to you what you can and will live with. Allowing you to be responsible only for your feelings and actions. It will take two to tangle as they say as well two to mend. If both parties are agreeable you stand a chance to save, the time and love invested here.

If you find however, that you are unwilling or unable to forgive; or that your partner simply is not capable of monogamy, than know when to bail. This ability, which escapes us in our own time of drama and crisis know as a reality check. Leaving us in relationship limbo allowing the hurt to rule us. When this happens, it becomes as a snowball out of control. It is imperative that you remain alert and open to the harsh reality that your relationship is going down faster than the titanic did, and you need to get out now. Saving you, both further pain and hurt.

It can be the saddest thing in the world to be involved in a relationship where each are numb to the other, through betrayal and hurt. Indifference replaces what once was genuine love for the other. While we are all humans and make mistakes, some honestly can recover and become the person you fell in love with. Others will submerge themselves into a life where they are unable to see the follies of their ways. Being able to recognize these warning signs are all but too important to managing loves wounds.

Either way you decide you have to make positive choices for yourself. You cannot allow yourself to become haunted in life by the baggage this scenario can cause. You must allow yourself to move on with or without your partner. If it is new waters, you decide to embrace letting go of the past and not taking the baggage form the previous partner is most important in allowing yourself to develop those emotions and trust with someone else. If you allow yourself to take the baggage, it will surely cause only you harm, and this is not even your issue to begin with.

Sometimes relationships work, and others they do not. Learn form the failed attempt and move on to improved things. Find that place in yourself that allows for personal growth through tragedy, and begin to live life. It takes a strong person to suffer the slings and arrows of this world and keep on marching. The same win in life. Allowing themselves to find love, successes, and fulfillment through positive healthy relationships.

While this article offers mere suggestions and hope for the love impaired, ultimately it is your life to live. The choices are yours to make. Make some healthy ones, as you are worth every one of them. You will find that the time tested saying is true. This too shall pass, and you shall love again.

© Michael Hinzman, All Rights Reserved

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