I am in love with a friend !


I have had very strong feelings for a very close friend of mine for almost all of high school. I could honestly say that I am in love with him because not a day goes by that I don’t think about him and want to be there for him. The problem is that he is also a guy and I’m pretty sure he is straight, but not completely. He sometimes flirts with me in different ways but I think he is just kidding. I have managed to hold back for years but it so happens that we will go on to college together and having him live with me will drive me crazy. I am scared of telling anyone that I like a boy especially my family. But I am even more scared of ruining my relationship with him. He said that he accepts gay people as they are but I don’t now how he could react to me. this has caused a lot of pain for me and I don’t know what to do.
Rod
Hi Rod thanks for your question,
This is a very common issue, because usually sexual relationships develop because you like a person, in the case of friendship, especially deep friendship is also because you like the person and being with them a lot. There is a difference between friendship and sexual partner, but the line can be thin and even blurred (the new popular term now is “friends with benefits”) As you mentioned in your question the possibility the friendship might not working anymore bringing-up the fact you are gay and have a crush on your friend.. Put the aspect of love and sexuality directly front and center.. If you decide to go in this direction by communicating this to your close friend what you are doing is changing the relationship. Your friend could react in all kinds of different ways, human emotion and intensity varies quite a bit from person to person. I do know if in the age of young men under 25 the bonds of friendship are very strong, depending on your location socio-economic, cultural and religious factors, it’s possible that in a strict religious upbringing and Christian school background you might get quite a strong reaction from a friend, and should be cautious about coming out and revealing your sexual love for the person, this especially if you live in a small town. You must consider your personal safety and your ability to live with potential harassment, especially until you move on to college in a larger city or another state. If you are in a big city or liberal area where gay and lesbians are common than your consideration of being open and honest, raveling yourself, becomes an easier choice. You may loose your friend, but being honest about feelings and moving on in life sure makes things easier. College especially for students away from their home and family is often a time when a person decides to come out, it’s probable that you will meet a few gay guys while at college, some colleges even have safe spaces and discussion groups/support for those who are bi, gay or questioning.
Read this Q&A I found on-line it is good advice from Yahoo UK answers
Another answer
I also like the advice on this You Tube video “Gay Life” by Ask Dan & Jennifer
In conclusion, coming out is not easy, but it’s a process in the life of most gay, lesbian and bi people. Only you can choose when to start the coming out process, there is no right way to come out, just take advice from our site and others and determine what is the best way you feel comfortable with. Coming out is a process, for some it’s a long process that can take month or years for others it’s only a few weeks.
 
JP for Project 10 Montreal, Canada

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