I've come out to two of my friends. It has been really hard for me and I don’t know what to do about everyone else...

Hi, I’ve just recently accepted the fact that I’m gay and I’ve even come out to two of my friends… That was really tough for me and now I don’t know what to do about everyone else.
One of my parents wouldn’t care, and neither would my sister, but I’m really worried about my step-dad and mom. He always makes snide jokes about gay people and my mom always laughs right along with him.
He has even made comments like “I don’t know what I’d do if you or your sister turned out to be gay…” among many other things…
I really don’t know what to do, I don’t want to disappoint my parents and I don’t want for them to feel like I’m a different person because of it
I’m not currently seeing anyone and I have never had a girl friend, I know this is something they will try to use against me if I tell them. Should I wait until I meet someone to tell them?
I just know in my heart this is who I am and there is no point in denying it anymore …. I just need some help….
Thanks, Stressed

Evelyn Kuang

Hi, I’ve just recently accepted the fact that I’m gay and I’ve even come out to two of my friends… That was really tough for me and now I don’t know what to do about everyone else.
One of my parents wouldn’t care, and neither would my sister, but I’m really worried about my step-dad and mom. He always makes snide jokes about gay people and my mom always laughs right along with him.
He has even made comments like “I don’t know what I’d do if you or your sister turned out to be gay…” among many other things…
I really don’t know what to do, I don’t want to disappoint my parents and I don’t want for them to feel like I’m a different person because of it
I’m not currently seeing anyone and I have never had a girl friend, I know this is something they will try to use against me if I tell them. Should I wait until I meet someone to tell them?
I just know in my heart this is who I am and there is no point in denying it anymore …. I just need some help….
Thanks, Stressed

Hi,

First of all, kudos to you on accepting yourself in your beautiful entirety, and coming out to your friends. These are not easy things to do and you should be very proud of yourself!

It is always a difficult situation to come out to less supportive family members. Something to consider is the recency of your self-acceptance and telling your friends- it may be less stressful to come out to your less supportive family members at a later time. Taking small gradual steps may be helpful to you- especially if you feel like there will be repercussions and backlash from less supportive family members. Look to your supportive dad and sister- as they could be ideal stepping stones to telling your less supportive family members. Your dad and sister would be significant support in this situation, and be especially beneficial in the process leading up to coming out to the other family members. Most importantly, your dad and sister can help you form a solid sense of solidarity with yourself in addition to other supportive friends and family, Building support foundations will not only give you more confidence, but also comfort and assured support throughout the rest of the process of coming out to other less supportive people.

Another factor to consider, remember that you are a unique individual- your personality is not determined by the sexual orientation and/or identity that you choose, or perhaps not choose. Your sexuality in all of its dimensions make up parts of you- they do not denote your behavior, nor do they limit or determine your thoughts and feelings. People that view you differently, become disappointed in you, are but shortsighted on this fact- remember that you are the same irregardless. I understand it is a defensive mechanism to expect the worse so as to ward off potential hurt and disappointment- but remember that it takes two people to make a relationship- so long as you do your half, they must also meet you halfway. Please remember, when you think about that potential disappointment, that you have done nothing for them to be disappointed about, that you have done nothing to incite mistrust or dislike, and that you have every reason to be accepted because you have always and will always deserve that acceptance.

I hope this helps- please don’t hesitate to ask more questions or touch base again if you want to.

For Alterheros,

Evelyn.

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