24 July 2010

Is she just being nice to me? I'm sure she's straight but she's driving me crazy!

i just wanted to, well explain my problem becaume i have no one really to tell – scared of hatred of rejection.
Im straight, and always have been, until this girl came into year 10, and ever since i’v been confused! Shes popular, pretty and basically a bad rebel. Shes obviously straight but its just the things she sometimes do that makes me wonder, she makes me so nervous as well. Every science she walks dead close to me when theres loads of space around her, i see her sometimes watching me in that lesson too. Past english she put her hands around my waist to get past, but she wouldnt, definitely wouldnt do that to other people. i’ve hardly ever spoken to her yet she drives me insane with this confusion! i try to convince myself she may like me a little, but when i see myself and her friends, i think, why would she like me out of all her pretty friends? maybe shes just being nice to me?
Thank you, chloe.

Kelley R

Hi Chloe,

I am so glad that you chose to come to Alterheros to share your feelings about this situation with your classmate. Our intimate desires can be confusing and complex; they can also be frightening when these desires seem to go against what larger society deems as ‘normal'.

In your question you share with us that there is a girl in your class that has caused you to feel confused about your sexuality. You seem to be picking up on cues that lead you to believe that this girl could be interested in you and you want to know whether or not her actions mean she likes you.

It isn't particularly easy to understand someone's intentions. Some people may be flirtatious and friendly by nature, while others only act that way with certain people. Therefore, your situation is a bit unclear to see what her intentions really are. I would suggest that you get to know her more as a person and as a friend. In doing so, you will be able to see if she still exhibits these actions towards you and/or her other friends. As you get to know her better, reflect on what you feel towards her (i.e. is there still attraction or not). These feelings will help guide you to what you want to do next (such as approaching her about any romantic interest or deciding it's better to be friends).

Keep in mind that while her actions may appear to indicate an attraction, they may just be neutral behaviours towards you. Perhaps because you are noticing her more at school causes you to pay more attention to everything she does around you and therefore, her actions towards you seem to mean more than someone else doing the same things to you.

Realize that heterosexuals can find a member of the same-sex attractive and likewise for homosexuals. These people would still continue to identify themselves as heterosexual, homosexual, etc… They would just consider that individual they were attracted to as an exception. These feelings are completely legitimate and normal. So, in other words, just because you find her particularly attractive doesn't necessarily mean that you are going to be attracted to women in general.

As I mentioned before, try and get to know her better. As a friendship develops, her behaviours towards you may change or stay the same. If you feel like she is indicating an interest that is more than just friendship, approach her about her feelings for you and share your own. If it turns out that there are no romantic feelings between you two then you can hopefully gain a friend from this experience!

You do not have to handle these new feelings on your own. It is important to share uncomfortable or fearful emotions with someone, such as a trusted adult or friend. As always, we here at Alterheros try our very best to guide you through these times.

All the best,

Kelley, for Alterheros