I’m starting to like men but I still like women, how can I be straight?

Since i was 9, i watched a muscle video and my “thing” auto grown, since then i fapped on muscular men on websites, and then i realized i was like being gay. i have more girl friends than boys, because girls were friendly in our school. and im starting to like men but still have liking to women, how can i be straight?
Hi John,
Thank you for taking the time to write to AlterHéros. If I understand correctly, you are asking yourself a few questions regarding your sexual orientation and your attraction towards other people. The situation is confusing you and you would like to make sense of it all.
To clarify a few things, I have a few questions for you. In your message, you mention being physically attracted to men. You also mention that you mainly had girlfriends in the past because they were friendly. At the moment, you seem to be attracted to both men and women. As much as I would like to help you figure out your sexual orientation, it’s also important to position yourself on how you feel about these interactions with both men and women. You can find a woman attractive and friendly without wanting to pursue something more than the attraction and the same thing with men. It’s completely normal to be attracted to people from the same gender and both genders.
Would you be confortable to identify yourself as gay or as bisexual? Would that reflect better your orientation? On top of desire, orientation is also based on feelings and conduct. You don’t have to identity yourself to one category or another. The most important is that you are confortable with your own thoughts and actions. It is really important to respect yourself in your reflection. Your wellbeing is the priority.
Would you be able to talk about it with someone close to you? You could contact your local LGBT organization and they could get you in contact with people that could help you explore your thoughts more deeply. You can also communication on our discussion groups with the members, and it would be a pleasure for them to support and guide you.
I hope this will help your situation and your questioning.
We thank you for your trust and please don’t hesitate to send us a message if you feel the need to!
Elizabeth, for AlterHéros

About Elizabeth Parenteau

Elizabeth Parenteau (she/her) is a sexologist who works in Public Health. She works to pursue and create inclusive projects and spaces for people of diverse sexual and gender identities. Her approach challenges the broader systems of oppression of white supremacy, homophobia and transphobia, classism, ableism, sexism and heterocisnormativity that cause widespread discrimination and suffering within our societies.

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