28 January 2010

I'm confused by my dreams and if they mean that I am bi

I am 19 year old female, and I am really confused about my sexual orientation. I do not feel attracted to neither boys nor girls, but I am fine when I see two women involved in a sex relationship. When I think about men I do not feel like beign touched by them. All this things really uptset me, because I think that it is not supossed to be like that.
Since I am 15 years old I have dreams having sex with boys and girls, but I can not see their faces; and I do not like these dreams because I do not want to dream like that, and most of the time I am scared to fall slept because of it.
I do not know if all these dreams and the way a feel makes me a lesbian or bi.
I would like to say, that I have never been involved in a relationship with any gender.
I hope you can help me understand what is going on. Do I need a therapist ? if yes, please tell me where to call to.
Thank you so much

Evelyn Kuang

Hi Rosemary,
Thanks for submitting your question to Alterheros. Discovering your sexual orientation and exploring different options and people is a completely normal thing that everyone goes through. Especially at your age, these sorts of feelings about whether you might like men or women can be confusing and understandably upsetting. I think perhaps a helpful thing for you would be to try to find someone you enjoy being with, have fun with, and makes you feel comfortable – regardless of their gender. The more and more you date, the more you will discover about your own wants and needs. Since you said you have never been in a relationship, you may find that oftentimes, attraction arises from non-sexual related aspects – like humor, or consideration. That of course is not to say sexual attraction is unimportatnt or irrelevant, just that it isn’t always the most important or only important thing.
In concern to your dreams about having sex with boys and girls, try not to get too worked up over the details or meaning of your dreams, as dreams (good dreams or bad nightmares) are not indicative of reality. They are usually just a product of stress or a distortion of your daily life. Perhaps you could find a way to help yourself sleep better at night.
My overall suggestion is to not worry too much about whether you are lesbian or bi or straight, but to just be open-minded to different people and aware of your subsequent feelings in your interactions with others. During this process, I promise, you will find the answer to all your questions. And one last thing, you also might find your feelings and object of attraction may change over the course of your life. This is completely normal because sexuality is fluid, and ever-changing just like any other part of your life. You might also discover throughout your questioning that you do not feel any particular level of sexual and/or attraction to any genders and that is also fine. Asexuality is also a possibility in terms of sexual orientation.

Thanks again for your question, and if you have any more please don’t hesitate to ask.
For Alterheros,