17 March 2009

I'm a girl. So is she. How can i be sure she likes me?

I really like this girl from school but i hardly know her! I have a friend that knows her though, and so i ask about her often. But she likes a guy and so I’m sitting here watching and waiting. I know that it would be stupid to walk up and start talking to her when I know that we’re both girls. I tried talking to a few friends about it, but most of them hate her. And so what if she’s a “poser”…(in their opinion) I’ve talked to her a few times and i really like her. Sometimes i catch her staring at me, and other times she catches me staring at her. We both look away quickly, but i still want to know if she likes me! How can i tell…and what if she already knows if i like her?

Hillary Greer

Hi Tyler, thanks for sending us your question!

From what I can tell, you are having a hard time figuring out if the girl that you have a crush on might like you back. This is never an easy thing to do and often gets complicated. So my suggestion to you is to keep it as simple as possible. The facts are these (from what you’ve said) : you like her, you are both girls, you hardly know her, your friends do not like her, and you don’t know if she likes you. It is often so scary to approach someone you have intense feelings for and just profess your love to them. It’s even hard sometimes just to talk with them! But I suggest that’s where you start. Just talk to her. Try to get to know this girl some more and learn about her. Who knows, maybe you’ll find out that this girl isn’t someone that you have very much in common with, or maybe you’ll find out that she’s even nicer than you thought. You could also find out, by talking to her more and becoming friendlier, what she thinks about homosexuality. You said that you “know it would be stupid to just walk up and talk to her because you are both girls”, but just imagine if you were in her position you probably wouldn’t think it was weird for another girl at your school to start hanging out with you, especially if you already had some friends in common.

Everybody is different and we all send signals and hints and messages about our feelings in different ways. One girl might act like she hates you and never wants to talk to you, and another girl might never leave your side. They may both have the same feelings for you, but are showing it differently.

If she already knows that you like her and she still talks to you, then maybe she doesn’t mind it at all. But, if she starts treating you badly and is mean to you all of a sudden then perhaps she is not someone that you want to get involved with.

Also, try not to worry too much about what your friends think about someone. Generally your friends will probably have your best interests at heart, but that doesn’t mean that they know what is best for you. Only you can know that.

Good luck!

Hillary, for Alterheros