Story – I’m a Girl in Love With a Gay Guy


I would never have thought that my views could have changed the way they did. Everything that I believed was right or trusted slowly crumbled under the weight of thought. No changes would have occured this year if it wouldn’t have been for him.

He has introduced me to many things that proved everything I believed wrong. When I met him, he identified as bisexual. I wasn’t aware of his sexuality but when I got to know him everything changed. I noticed him and his amazing smile but never thought that we would communicate. I was wrong.

This amazing him went to the church that I was begining to attend. He was involved in the same hobbies as me, and I kept seeing more of him, and becoming more and more attracted to his physical looks. Christianity was becoming my life style and I was becoming judgemental and more fearful than I ever thought possible. Everything around me scared me to death. The “gay” crowd was a slowly growing minority that I was uncomfortable with. One day after a long day of school (they WERE getting longer) I decided to get online to be shocked to see a mysterious addy on my messenger. I knew in my heart who it was but couldn’t believe that he would add me. I talked to him and discoverd his views on religion. The opressed life he lived awakened me to my stupidity. Many nights were spent in my room crying away my thoughts and not sleeping. I still to this day do not understand how we met or why but I know that there WAS a reason. The more I communicated with him the more I felt my beliefs slipping away and my “morals” diminishing. My thought was what became stronger.The most depressing time of my life was near the begining of this relationship when I realized something I never thought possible. I was in love with a bisexual guy. My entire life I have feared the word love, and never wanted to say it afraid that I didn’t mean it. Now I have said it.

I didn’t really truely understand how I felt about “his” sexuality and didn’t know if was really ready to let go of what I’ve lived with my whole life. There was a certain transition point for me where I could stand up for what I thought was true emotion.

I’m very involved with theatre and during a show that I was in I discussed my feelings for him with the girl who had always seemed to be a  sweetheart and would be there for me if I needed to talk to her. She was disgusted with me. At first she has this solomn look in her eye and said she had to tell me something. She told me what I already knew. The guy that I’m head over heels in love with is bisexual. She asked me how I could have feelings for someone that had that orientation. I realized that day that I wasn’t talking to her, I was talking to a walking Bible who told me everything I felt was a sin. I could never look in her eyes the same way.

People still judge me and assume that I can’t be in love because I’m in highschool and that it’s not possible to love him if he doesn’t love me. They try and define the way I feel and tell me that I’m lusting when I know damned well that I don’t LUST for him. I love everything about him. There’s nothing that I would rather hear than the sound of his voice. There isn’t anything that I cherish more than his opinions or his trust in me. He feels trapped by his parents and our community that refuses to start a gay/straight alliance because it’s “unacceptable”. I sit and think sometimes how much life would be without him. As I said, I love everything about him. There is nothing that I would change about him. Even though just 4 days ago he told me that he is gay, not BISEXUAL, and I know there is no hope for us to ever have a relationship, I would change nothing about him. I’m tired of people in my community judging me for my “sinful, lustful” feelings.

My mom is very accepting of the gay scene and she understands my feelings. She attends a pentecostal church and is begining to capitulate to the thoughts of the pastor there. It is a small church (UNFORTUNATELY) and he is very close to my family.  His parents have been contacting the sam pastor that my family talks to about me. This is not even the church that his family attends. My dad calls his wife “mom” and his ruling is taking over my household and overwhelming me beyond belief. He creates more hate than any bisexual or gay person I have ever known.  If a gay person hates I think it’s probably because of society’s ignorance that opresses them from being treated civil.

Now there is nothing for me in life but to love him and forget what he looks like and look to his soul which I do every day. I’ve never felt emotion like this and I don’t expect I will again. The hardest 6 months of my life have been the most prosporus that I’ve ever had. I’m still trying to find the balance between my thoughts on creation and homosexuality I feel better about myself for being accepting of other people’s differences.


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51 thoughts on “Story – I’m a Girl in Love With a Gay Guy

  • Anonymous

    It is amazing to see that someone can change the views that have been taught to them by the church, by society, by parents and understand that love and acceptance are truly the most significant statements we can make.

  • Neci

    I don’t know even where to begin. I am in love with a gay guy also. The feelings are unexplainable in words. No one and I mean absolutely no one understands what I go through when I wake up and go to sleep at night. I thought I was the only one in this world that has felt this way. Its taken over my mind, everything I believe in, and everything I would tell someone else to avoid. I have been in love with him since 1996. I knew that he would be the father of my children, husband of my dreams, and the love of my life. Until last October when I found out he was gay. Because I don’t know how much I can type. If you find the time I would enjoy talking to you sometime. My email address is s_wright19@yahoo.com. I found this story by searching in google. So I think it was kinda meant to happen. Hang in there alright.

  • kayyla0998

    heyy im in love with a gay guy too..you’re definately not alone..i think the reason it’s easier to fall in love with a gay guy is because they’re more sensitive and caring than straight guys are..us girls like guys that will be more emotional than dead inside you know? anyways im in love with a guy guy and i have been since grade 4 and im in grade 9..ah i found out recently..in october he said he was bi..and he kissed me that month and then in november he said he was gay so i was like confused like how can that happen from going straight -bi-gay like..ah yeah normal *rolls eyes* but anyways i know exactly how some of you feel..its like you wanna be with them so bad and cuddle with him and just fall asleep in his arms and when you hug him it feels so nice:) and if you ever get the chance to kiss him your heart does that feeling like its sinking..i got that when i kissed this guy..and i love him so much and i’d honestly die for him he means the world to me:) hehe im gonna stop being cheesy
    i know i should get over this guy but it’s definately not easy when i’m best friends with him ..i trust him alott he’s the only guy i’d ever want to be with..when you find out a guy that you love is gay you don’t want to believe it..you say oh maybe he’ll change his mind or maybe he’s just confused right now but you know deep down he’s gay and there’s nothing you can do about it ..you try to keep your hopes up by thinking okay well maybe he’ll fall in love with me and realize that he’s straight anyways i wish you the best of luck in getting over this guy that you love and i feel your pain i honestly do..it’s not easy:(

  • kayyla0998

    heyy im in love with a gay guy too..you’re definately not alone..i think the reason it’s easier to fall in love with a gay guy is because they’re more sensitive and caring than straight guys are..us girls like guys that will be more emotional than dead inside you know? anyways im in love with a guy guy and i have been since grade 4 and im in grade 9..ah i found out recently..in october he said he was bi..and he kissed me that month and then in november he said he was gay so i was like confused like how can that happen from going straight -bi-gay like..ah yeah normal *rolls eyes* but anyways i know exactly how some of you feel..its like you wanna be with them so bad and cuddle with him and just fall asleep in his arms and when you hug him it feels so nice:) and if you ever get the chance to kiss him your heart does that feeling like its sinking..i got that when i kissed this guy..and i love him so much and i’d honestly die for him he means the world to me:) hehe im gonna stop being cheesy
    i know i should get over this guy but it’s definately not easy when i’m best friends with him ..i trust him alott he’s the only guy i’d ever want to be with..when you find out a guy that you love is gay you don’t want to believe it..you say oh maybe he’ll change his mind or maybe he’s just confused right now but you know deep down he’s gay and there’s nothing you can do about it ..you try to keep your hopes up by thinking okay well maybe he’ll fall in love with me and realize that he’s straight anyways i wish you the best of luck in getting over this guy that you love and i feel your pain i honestly do..it’s not easy:(

  • Riah

    Oh wow!! There are other girls who go through this. I too sympathize. I am in love with a gay guy and there are days when I think it will kill me. He is my best friend and I am always with him. It hurts so bad sometimes, because he will pretend I am his girlfriend and put his arm around me or hold my hand, but I know it’s just pretend. I think he knows I love him….

  • Alona

    My problem is that I’m totally adicted to a gay man too!! but what would u say I tell u that we act like we were a couple, it means we hold our hands when we’re out at the party or smth, we kiss a lot obviously we do stuff normal heterosexual couples do. That’s strange!!The fact is that I have a theory that says every gay guy is able to fell in love with a girl, and he haven’t done this yet because of the fact he has never met a proper one!! so I think that if ur gay friend, or a gay friend u love is not a girly gay (if u know what I mean) u could make him love u if u just try to do this!! so girls, hads up!!

  • Sunshine

    Wow, Ok – I’m in love with a gay guy too.. but this one plays with my emotions. We’re are best friends – we spend an amazingly obscene amount of time together. It’s ridiculous – He initiates all the contact with texts messages and phone calls – I hear from him every day .. without fail – He was saying he was bi for a long time – then he said he was turning gay – because he was loosing interests with girls..when we started getting close – he immediately jammed himself into a guy relationship – this was after he kissed me – and told me that he thought he could go back to girls.. hmm… makes me think. So, the guy asked him to chose me or him – he chose me of course – after a month..the 2nd one – same thing happened.. now he’s in a third one..and he cancels plans all the time with him to spend time with me.. He tells me that he thinks he’s going through a phase that he wants to go back to girls and one day be married and have a family with a woman that he’s just scared that the one he may want to be with won’t be there when he’s ready for it.. It breaks my heart, because I’m in love with this guy..he knows I have some sort of feelings for him a long time ago.. he’s kissed me a couple of times, but I DIDN’T kiss him back..because of the fact – I want to know where his heart at before hand.. I’m leaving for the summer..and he’s not happy at all about it.. He tells me he’s going to miss me insanely.. He doens’t like to go pretty much anywhere without me..and worse of all – he constantly is making me a third wheel with his boyfriend..and will flirt with me insanely infront of his boyfriend to see his reaction – and does the same to me.. I don’t know.. 🙁

  • shasha

    yahh…im so frustrated as you guys…and iv nver imagined that this will happen to me..i have a big big problem that i cant take it! i’ve been in love with this guy i don’t know when it started but i’ve known him since college and we even work together now in 1 company..we’re good friends, he’s always been the “as-if-my-boyfriend-mode”, holds my hand, asks me out and things like that on a date..we kissed before when i was drunk and he’s not, i thought before he can’t say how he feels because 1 of our closest girl friend has been in love with him since high school, so i just watched and wait. Then last week i found out that he has been seeking advice from our colleagues that he has always been in love w/ me & dunno how to tell me and he’s scared to be rejected and that i just had my recent boyfriend, that he’s sad that our shift might not be the same and we cant be together anymore.. my heart jumped up so high!he picks me up to work and we go home together too u know..he gets jealous and stuff..he loves me!
    BUT…THEN just recently when we were together with our friends,, i accidentally read HIS txt messages to 1 of our gay guy friend, intimate messages,flirting, saying he recently has found out or feels that he might be GAY that he loves him too, to keep it secret cz nobody else knows,that they’ve went out recently and that they’ve KISSED….. what the heck!!!so thats why he said not to look at the inbox!i was in shock!he has never shown any hints that he’s feeling gay cz he has crushes with girls and he’s been showing me affection ever since so why now!?God and why tell our colleagues he loves me if he’s inluv with that guy!i think he noticed that i know,cz after i returned the cellphone with shaking hands to our friend,i was not ok, we went home together & he kept asking me whats wrong, i just smiled but my eyes was trying so hard not to cry..then he said to me “i still have to find myself…but i will wait for you..” and kissed me on the lips.. what the heck was that???im so confused and hurt..was he using me?or is he just confused? should i let him go or fight like hell and rock his brains out to stay straight?i love him..i love him..and ill see him next week at work,what should i do?i cried like 10 times already….pls email me i handle things right but this time?i have no idea how…

  • lonely

    wow..crazy..the almost exact same thing has happened to me..im in love with a guy who says hes bisexual but right now he says hes gay..it goes back and forth..my everything is in this man..his soul is truly beautiful he says he cares for me soo much and he wants to be that person i could confide my deepest secrets with and he knows ive liked him for a while…but i dont think i will ever be his passion..
    maybe its time to move on..

  • complicated

    I’m in love with a gay guy too! I’m so glad to see that I’m not alone. We’ve been friends for almost 5 years now and over the past year I got really close to him. I wanted more than friendship and it seemed like he did too. He flirted with me, took me to our Senior Prom, he even came to my house to meet my parents! Our flirting became so obvious that everyone tried to get us to date, even our teachers! Then recently he told me that he is gay. He said that he’d never had any feelings for any women and that he hoped he hadn’t given me the wrong impression about his sexual preference! I wanted to scream from frustration! After all the flirting and all the time that we spent together, he’s gay! And he didn’t think that he’d misled me in any way! So now I’m completely heart broken and trying to heal. I’m still friends with him, nothing will ever come between our friendship, but it still hurts so much and I don’t know what to do. I’m completely head-over-heels in love with him, and he’s gay. And I don’t know how to cope with the pain and get over him. It’s the first time I’ve ever felt this strongly about anyone. I mean sure I’ve dated plenty of guys, but he was perfect. Nothing made me happier than seeing him in the hallways at school or spending my lunch time with him. I got this happy tingling sensation whenever he spoke to me or touched me. I couldn’t imagine anyone else that I’d rather spend time with. I know it sounds like a plot from some sappy teenage movie, but it was real. At least for me it was. But now I guess it’s time for me to try to move on…it won’t be easy, and he’ll always have a special corner in my heart, but I can make it through this. And I’ll be a better person for it.

  • Zakuro

    Sorry, I accidently pressed done.
    I didn’t realize it would kill him so soon.
    Three years later, age 17, he was in the hospital, transfered to ICU because he was really really sick. He told me he trusted me with his life.
    I sort of them at that moment told him I loved him for real real…like more than a friend, but I was more concerned about telling him that once he got a lung transplant I would be there taking care of him until he got better because I cared about him.
    As the week went by he got weaker and weaker, and they had to transfer him down to Indianapolis.
    When I got down there he was in a coma, had tubes sticking out of his mouth…the whole speal.
    I loved him so much. I would have done ANYTHING to have helped him. I sat by his bedside for the next day and a half, and I watched him die…
    He passed away right in front of me. The hardest thing was even though I told him everyday I loved him, I feel like I didn’t do it enough.
    Like I didn’t tell him my real feelings, and I am going to have to suffer for the rest of my life.
    My friends say “Oh we understand you love him.” I think they think I loved him as a real good friend, nothing more.
    I still find it hard to know it’s possible to fall in love with a gay man. Though, it happens I guess. I’m glad it’s happened to more people than just me. 🙂

  • Zakuro

    You know! I am happy to know I am not the only one who is in love with a gay man.
    I knew since the day I met him he was gay, but I was an immature 14 year old child who though, heck, I could change him. I liked him a lot when I first met him because I was going through some tough times, and he was the first person to say “I LOVE YOU!!” and actually mean it.
    As years went by I hid my love for him. I would tell him I loved him everyday though (as a friend) because I knew his days were limited. He had an in-cure-able genetic disease that was slowly killing him. I didn’t know it would kill him so soon.
    W

  • sadandtired15

    I am in almost the same situation..and i truly understand how much it sucks. I found this by putting a search through to google to see if i could get help with this problem. But the thing is my guy is supposedly Bi but lately for about the past 2 months all his infatuations have been male, and im afraid he is going go all the way gay and i will be even more doomed than i am now. It’s crazy how close we both are, i talk to him every day NO fail. I have trusted him with every single one of my secrets (well except this one of course) and its hard to imagine what would happen if i were to tell him. Im afraid it would ruin possibly the best friendship i have ever had. I love him with all my heart and i know he loves me but he’s not IN love with me. I wish i could tell him, every night i cry out of sadness. It especially hurts when he tells me about the guys that he has feelings for, everytime i have a sudden urge to scream out “I LOVE U IDIOT, CANT U TELL”. lol. I dont think anyone could understand the way it feels to be in this position except for us that are in it or have been in it. It really did feel good to know that i’m not the only one. Reading yalls messages i think has given me the courage not to hide it anymore… I need to tell him because this isn’t gonna go away by itself is it? *sigh* Oh and to everyone that’s in this position i highly recommend the song “Breathless” by Corrine Bailey Rae and “I’d Lie” by Taylor Swift.

  • amyzzz111

    I am married for over 10 years. About 2 years ago I met my best friend, a gay guy. Over the past 2 years I have fallen madly in love with him. First I thought it was because I was not in love with my husband anymore, but I know that is not it. I truly love him. If this were infatuation I think I would be over it by now. I spend a lot of time thinking about my best friend and I absolutely cannot wait until I see him again. We enjoy spending time together. I have not told him how I feel because I don’t want to ruin our friendship. I am at a crossroad and I don’t know what to do.

  • crc

    i too know what it feels like to fall in love with a gay guy…. i have a friend i met recently, he is so amazing and his experience with life is so magical that i began having beautiful dreams of him… it’s not the first time either…. i had a huge crush on this guy. he would not speak about his sexuality and many nights i spent dreaming what i would be like to be with him, have his kids, and marry him…. one day he decides to come out and i felt like egg was all over my face… i mean i fell for him hard. it was and is hard to get back up… Don’t get me wrong, i am not judgemental about gay people, i just hate to fall so hard for him….

  • Lunette

    I can totally relate. I met a guy in high school durring ninth grade. He’s a few years older then me and he is bisexual. He and I have been friends for 7 years now. I can’t even begin to imagine my life without him, we’ve fallen for each other, but we never seem able to be together. He’s always got to be in a relationship with someone (I’m guilty of dating too) or our friends get in the way and don’t get me started on my family (if they found out it really would be the worse thing to happen). It gets frustrating and confusing and I just can’t figure out how to feel any more. I love him and now he’s engaged to a guy who I have never met and there’s this girl who I’m really jelous of (which is weird for me because I’ve never been jelous of anyone). It’s just gotten to the point where I can barely stand to be around him for fear I’d ruin the relationship he’s in. It’s difficult to stay away from him (even if I really wanted to) since we share so many friends and we are best friends.
    I never thought I’d be in this kind of situation and I’m sure you never did ether. But if you really love him all I can say is support him. It’s not easy to watch, I know, I’ve seen my guy go though girlfriends and boyfriends. It’s tough… but I would rather see him with someone else and just be his friend then to not have him in my life at all. I hope everything works out for the best for you, I really believe that everything happens for a reason (though it is rarely the obvious one).

  • haii

    I… recently met a gay guy… he says he’s bisexual but he talks about guys all the time, as if he were like, completely gay…
    problem is that I can’t tell if he’s flirting with me or not. He’s so sweet and cute and theres that tingly sensation between us but… I get this feeling that he’s just more into guys than girls and
    I’m afraid of making the mistake of taking it further with him, because he’ll hurt me, and he’ll be hurt himself if I try to keep him from guys…
    …wish i could find a guy like him, just.. into me for a girl.

  • Anna

    I was shocked and almost relieved to realize how much in common I had with all of you, my absolute best friend in the entire world is a bisexual guy, and I am completley head over heels in love with him, even tho I know hes more into guys, he is hands down the most beautiful thing I have ever seen, and the most amazing person I have ever met, I think he knows that I’m in love wtih him, and that scared me to death, because I can’t imagine my life without him, and I’m scared of losing that deep closeness that we have, somedays I wanna come right out of my skin and tell him how madly in love with him I am, but I know he dosen’t feel the same way about me like that and I don’t want to jepordize our friendship, just the ohter day we were playing around and he accused me of trying to kiss him, and I denied it over and over again, but I think he got a little weirded out about it, I can’t imagine not being as close as we are, or losing him in any way, but I swear I just keep falling deeper and deeper in love with him and I’m afraid I’ll never feel that way about anyone else, as it is I feel like I have blinders on, because I can’t even seem to be interested in any other guys because all i can think about is how very much I want to be with him, hes just the only one I want, and I feel so stuck, because I can’t just erase these feelings, I just don’t know what to do, and not being friends with him is just not an option.

  • saq

    YOU KNOW WHAT, I AM GAY AND IF I MEET A GIRL SOMEONE LIKE YOU I AM WILLING TO MARRY YOU LET ALONE START A RELATIONSHIP, I MEAN IF WILL AND GRACE CAN LIVE AS FRIENDS WHY CANT THEY BE MORE THEN THAT, I KNOW THERE WILL BE LOT OF PROBS, BUT I AM WILLING TO GIVE MY ORENTATION,LOVE LIFE FOR A PERSON WHO LOVES ME THIS MUCH

  • Sonja

    In high school I was completely the religious type. I never hated gay people, I just didn’t understand. But then I met him. My best friend now is gay and I can’t help but be in love with him! I feel like everything in your article relates to me!! I feel trapped because I can’t spend a moment without him. I love him but he’ll never love me the same way

  • Astrogirl

    I’ve been really good friends with this guy for about three years. We share a number of close friends. But for the past year, the two of us have grown much closer together. I have always find it easy to talk to him. And we always understood each other’s feelings. I have been secretly in love with him ever since the first few times I’ve hanged out with him and others. But I’ve always brushed it away until now that we’re closer. Last year, he asked me if I wanted to be his girlfriend. I felt like I could die from happiness. The next day after he asked me that qns, he told me the biggest secret. He was gay. But that he was sincere in the two of us wanting to be together. So we went out. But it didnt last long. And i was left disappointed and heartbroken. I guess he was still more into guys. He pleaded with me not to leave him. That he still wants me as is best friend. And I know that the rest of you whom have shared similar experience will totally understand why I decided to take him back as my best friend even though he has hurt me so deeply. I can never go by without him. Although its hard for me to see him being with another guy, because I love him and because he is my best friend, I give him all the support he needs. I am still as much in love with him as I did before, but this is one secret i will never tell him. I know everything happens for a reason. If ever the guy that we love so much, is meant to be with us, then he will be ours. If he isnt, than we will meet someone else who will love us back.

  • lisalisa

    omg i have the same thing except he told me he was in love with me and that we can be togehter again in heaven when we die and i can have a huge cock lol we joke and we dated but we broke up

  • snglemom

    I can totally related being in love with a gay guy, My boyfriend of over three years has always been my everything. He was the only one in my life i trusted and truly loved. We always said we would be together forever and have a family. For some reason he would agree with me about not getting married and when i got pregnant we wanted to get married after the baby was old enough to particapate in the wedding. Well, Two months before i was due..He started acting strange. i tried cooling off by staying with my parents for the weekend, He then tells me he has found someone else and wanted to be with HIM…(which was the reason why he acted strange) i was so devastated not knowing how this can happen to me. I was so good to him. So now i am a single mom back at my parents waiting for my baby to come along. I lost my best friend, lover, and “soul mate”.. He says he still loves me and wish he can change but he knows he would be cheating on me. I still feel betrayed and hurt, that i can’t even face him. I am kind of person that has always been against “gays lifestyles” and here i am crying over a guy who turned out to be one….

  • mse55

    OMG… I’ve never tought that so many woman have been in the same situation as I have!!
    I meet him when we were teenegers, I fell in love with him since the first time I sow him, and everything seemed to be perfect about him, but I was supecting about his sexuality, later on he told me he was gay
    I cryied for days, because I was so in love, and I didnt care about he being gay, I just loved him so much!
    We became best friends, we were really close and we could say we love each ither, of corse as friends.
    He was perfect, and he talked to me in a beautiful way telling me sweet things …….
    we really loved!!
    and now..after 18 years of strong frienship we continue being best friends….. and I continue in love with him….I know its impossible.. but I cant change the way I feel about him
    ***listen the song ziggy by celine dion… it tells our story!!

  • anniie

    so im not alone in my situation… thats exactly whats happening to me. and it has me completely lost.

  • LeAnn

    OMG i thought I was pathetic and alone. I am completely in love with a gay guy. He’s my best friend, in fact he’s the best friend i’ve ever had. And hes absolutely gorgeous and charming and sweet and holds every genuine quality I look for in a guy. I could cry right now thinking about how bad I have it for him and there’s no way he can ever know. And to add salt to my wounds, he has a boyfriend and has a major crush on one of our mutual friends. And I have to sit back and watch them flirt every time I see them. I’m happy for him but it just hurts so much. I don’t like feeling this way. I don’t want to be jealous, I don’t want to be in love with someone i can never have. I don’t know what to do here. I’m so hopeless 🙁

  • joy4788

    helloo my name is joy in search of a man that will be my life partner and more linda

  • awesomeblossom

    I’m so relieved im not the only one. I’m in highschool as well, and i never though id love a guy so much as i do now. im so lost, hes my closest guy friend and i dont know what to do. for months ive been trying to get over him but it wont work. every smile and comment ive fallen completley in love with and it kills me that nothing could ever happen. hes only said that hes bi, but i feel like its more than that.

  • Anonymous

    i know how it feels.. the real forbidden love.
    another song: Malchik Gay by t.A.T.u.

  • ms. sunshine

    At the beginning of the school year there was this new guy at our school. I looked at him and thought: “Wow he is so arrogant I will probably never speak to him.” I was wrong. We became really close friends and started telling each other everything. The more I got to know him the more I started liking him. He became the most important person in my life, the person I would stand up for, the person thats there for me, the person that makes everything worth fighting for, my rock, my paradigm shift in so many ways. I noticed that I fell in love with him. I know Im only 18 but its soo much more than a crush. he gives me feelings I have never felt for anyone ever, he makes me wonder about things I didnt know existed.
    Yesterday he told me that he was gay. we were lying in my bed after just talking for hours and my heart was broken. He told me that he didnt wanna be gay because he just wanted to be normal but with every word my heart cracked more open. I was never that hurt in my life. Im in love with an amazing person and he will never know because I am his best friend and because he is gay. It breaks my heart. It hurts so much and I cant do anything about it.
    Any advice?

  • stupidgirl

    Well I fell in love with a guy in a matter of one week…it was amazing…never had it been so fast! He was just so perfect!! When I told him he said he was confused and didn’t know what he felt but that he liked me having these feelings, so this just gave me more hope and my feelings kept growing, and he kept giving me more hope until one day I learned the truth, that he was gay…I felt so betrayed I couldn’t believe it, I would have never imagined him as a gay guy… until everything started to make sense. Finally he told me himself the truth and asked me to be friends, and as many of you, I couldn’t say no…I was very hurt but I know I need him in my life…he is one of the best things that has ever happened to me…why can’t a normal guy be as kind and sensitive as he is?? I sometimes laugh and wish I could become a gay guy too so that I could be with him, but I know it is nonsense…now we are just friends, very good friends, but I know deep inside of me I am still in love with him *sigh* I never ever thought I would fall in love with a gay guy…but then again, I didn’t know he was gay when it happened 🙁

  • replication

    wow. this almost makes me wonder if my best girlfriend feels the way most of you do. i came out in highschool, and all of my best friends are girls.
    we, as gay men aren’t trying to break any hearts, especially the ones of our dear friends. don’t let it break your heart when we come out. it’s just as difficult for us to tell you, as it is for you to hear it.
    🙂

  • TwinDonzi

    Being gay and a twin is probably the most hardest thing to imagine. I thought I was in love with a girl, but, I kept having dreams of the boys in the loker room naked. When I was 22..she saw me kiss another guy when we were all getting ready to go out for a party.
    I too am Christian, and the beliefs that I were told were so against my own “inner” person.
    I think you should trust in the Lord, and let him take the heat for making gays feel the way they do…naturally with their own.
    Not all men.. just gay men and most good looking extremely nice guys the ones you think may be bisexual, they are gay, just trying to fit in with the unapproval of life.
    Some say that homosexuals should not be allowed to marry. Fine with me. The majority of people are not gay, so it is too hard to explain to hetro sexual people.
    I just say this, If you are Hetro sexual, would you ever look at another person of the same sex…with Love in your heart?
    Probably not, god made you that way for a reason and purpose.
    I would not and should not ever make any body feel like they have to be with someone based soley on sex.
    I will tell you this however, the gay guys always are the most genuine of the males.
    They want your true friendship girls, the others want your body. Maybe you will have both one day. Just don’t get too hung up on it.
    I am newbie from Orlando, a twin to boot.
    he has a boy friend and i am single.
    any ways
    take it easy.
    Donzi

  • kandace

    me and you so simply the same my life i feel meaning less for i am totally and completely in love with a gay guy i met him bisexual i dated him for 2 and a half years… i love him with everything in me he is the only person that can make my heart beat faster and slower at the same time.. we took each others first everything….. and i have so many memories.. were best friends who have been through everything but my heart is ripped and cant be healed i shall never love again for he is perfect i love zak and i have to accept everything its hard i have been through more than anyone i know people ask me how can i love him.. but no one will ever know the him i know…… hopefully i will talk to you sometime me and you have so much in common but yall i cant get him out of my mind im hopelessly in love advice any please i feel my heart die wat can i do????

  • kandace

    yeah totally need advice i dunno wat to do everyday my heart breaks worse maybe i need a gay guys poin of view?…..:(

  • kandace

    dude seriously need a reply from someone that understands a gay guy i dont care does anyone get on this anymore??…….?

  • GiGi

    (I know you’re looking for a gay guy, but alas, I am a straight female. However…)
    I’m in the same boat. I am a practicing Christian Catholic, and in this faith, sodomy is absolutely unacceptable.
    However, notice that I say sodomy is unacceptable; I did not say homosexuality is unacceptable (although it -is- typically looked down upon). I actually know a priest who is homosexual, but he has never acted on those feelings because he grew up Catholic and felt they were wrong. Many of the Church’s followers are fine with him; he has never committed the act of sodomy.
    Is your friend a practicing sodomite? (If no… I dont see the problem. If yes… join the club; that’s where I am too.)
    It’s amazing how much our stories parallel, however; my best friend is a bisexual male who has committed the act of sodomy. To be with him would be unholy.
    If you prefer to follow your faith, I’d say to remain either ‘just friends,’ as hard as that would be, or to distance yourself from him, which might be harder.
    If you prefer to follow your heart, as I am, stay with him, support him (but do not let your own morals be swayed), love him unconditionally. After all, you both are so young; this guy still sounds quite confused with his sexuality. There may still be hope for you.
    Against either option, do remember that there are plenty of fish in the sea. Besides, the two of you sound radically different. Be realistic: if the two of you ever got together, do you honestly think you could handle a lasting relationship? If you checked yes… wait it out; if you checked no… I’d say remain just friends.
    Best of luck. It’s a sticky situation; you’re handling it well for someone of your age.

  • Kate

    Finn has been my life for four years. Since Freshman year of high school, I think about him when ever I get a chance. I want to know what he’s thinking, how he’s feeling, and why he’s feeling it. He is the best friend I have ever had. None of that changed when he told me he was gay this past January. I’ve been so supportive that I don’t even feel like myself. I think about our conversations about anal sex and hot guys and I want to cry. Why do I insist on talking about these things when I know it will hurt so bad afterward? I love him so much, it hurts. I want to get away from him before I get hurt even more, but I can’t because he is so amazing. I know this is incredibly dumb, but I can’t help thinking that it’s my fault that he doesn’t like me as a girlfriend. It’s completely my fault that I didn’t know he was gay. I could have walked away after I first saw him. I could have never said ‘hi’. Maybe I could have lived my life normally without struggling through each day. Finn is a heart breaker, and I jokingly tell him that all the time. I mean it more than I let on.

  • Serenity

    wow, I never thought that so many people could feel the same way that I do. I met Stevie a few years ago, at first I thought that he was just insane but as I got to know him I realized that he was an amazing person. About a year and a half after I met him he changed from bisexual to completely gay, I was ok with that until one day when a guy he liked broke his heart and I found him crying in the hallway. Something inside me snapped and I had an overwhelming urge to find whoever had hurt him and do the same to them and yet also to hold him and never let go. I didn’t understand what this really was for a few weeks, now I know. Stevie is my best friend in the entire world, he’s smart, funny, sensitive, caring, cute, and always ready to defend me if I need him to. I go through everyday on the watch for him just to see his smile or hear his voice, if I don’t then then it hurts beyond belief, if I do then it’s even worse because I know we will never be anything more than friends. It feels like somebody is ripping my heart out piece by piece…

  • kandace

    thanks for the advice but there is so much to me and him not spoken our relationship was truly perfect in every way him being wat he is wont change the way i feel about god or him in my eyes being wat he is he could not be the same any other way he was always depressed until he finally came out and said it now a smile lights his face every day i may hurt alot due to our pasts but seeing him smile makes my life worth living!!!!!!

  • kandace

    all of you your stories are amazing truly a gay guy can capture any womens heart i love my zak he means more to me than any other person on this earth at times we have our moments where i think your not gay but inside i know he is i dated him for 3 amazing years on and off and now i still love him equally to this day keep with the stories there amazing…. peace!! and try not to be sad a blessing it is to know them and be with them and to be the one person that they can come to and trust…..:) i cry every now and then because it is an impossible love but another kind of love remains a bond that he can have with no one else but you….remember that…..and be happy!!!:)

  • niklove

    I can totally understand your story and i can’t believe that there are so many people out there who experienced the same thing that i do….yes…i’m in love with a guy, who said that he is confused but then he told me that deep down he can’t lie to himself and he told me that he is probably gay. I’m so disappointed…because i love him so much and i accept him for who he is. we are like the same person but sometimes we have our differences.i can’t seem to move on because he is everything that i even want. i need him in my life and i can’t bear to even lose him as a friend. He’s the only person right now who understands me and was always there for me. Even though there are so many attractive guys around me, i keep comparing them to this guy. I keep hoping for him even though he said not to…I’m so heart broken…i don’t think i can love someone as deep as i love him right now..i found out later that he has a boyfriend but they rarely contact each other…finding out about that left me angry and more heartbroken….i want to wish them happiness but i can’t >< right now i just don't know what to do anymore.

  • kandace

    i have the best bi guy in the world its like he is my other half and as awkward as it is and i cant love another i have tried for so long but it never goes that deep with anyone else he is the only one that can make my heart jump with just a single touch that saying is so true “and so the lion fell in love with the lamb” its not always impossible if you want it bad enogh hold on thats wat i did and i could not ask for more that i have now the best friend i care for for him than any person on earth he is my life!!! if ya’ll need to talk to me on any topic find me at myspace..ttyl peace out..

  • tegan

    i am attracted to this gay guy at work, he was my mentor at first. the first time i saw him around i’ve been in love with him although i am very much aware he’s gay. i know it’s mutual and i don’t care if he’s gay. all i need is for him to tell me how he feels about me and i’d be straightforward and will bravely tell him i really like him! love should not recognize color, religion nor gender. love itself is both simple and complex! cheers 🙂

  • sofie

    Wow, thats exactly what happened to me. Its gud to hear there are people that have had the same experiences. Like we were in high school and became friends first yr and the second year he came out to me and by that time I was madly in love with him. Its kinda disappointing hes gay but I’m happy I became acceting of that community and I think hes the reason why. But its a little weird because he sends my heart fluttering and i am so crazily addicted to him but he likes another guy in our class. so yeah just wanted to share

  • Ladywolf

    I am actually really comforted by all your stories. I had been feeling so stupid and pathetic, but the fact that so many other people have been through this is so reassuring and hopeful.
    I met the gay guy i fell for while studying abroad. We got along so well, it was like we were the same person. Kindered spirits. At the time i started to like him, my good gay friend also did. “he” later told me that he really liked my friend, but also liked me, and that he couldn’t choose. The three of us were always together, and those were some of the happiest times of my life.
    But it changed, “he” decided he really was gay, and was head over heel for my friend.
    My heart was broken, and i remember blaming myself, ans all the time when we hung out from then on, i would think over and over “if only i was a guy”
    But i wanted to support him. I wanted him to be happy more than i wanted anything, so i lied to him and told him i was over it, so he could date our friend without worrying about me.
    It kills me, to see it, to see them together- but i made my decision. I love him, not just in the romantic sense, but as a person, with my whole heart and because of that, i wont ever tell him.i will remain my his side, as a friend- unchanging, no matter what.

  • Zombie

    We are on the same boat ! It hurts though, so much…to find out that the guy I really really like at work is a gay man. He was so nice to me that people in the office could really tell he was exceptionally nice to me and liked me a lot…I feel he has been giving mixed signals, and I thought he was just painfully shy…I started liking him since almost a year ago and took so much courage to try get close to him by joining group lunch with him. As I think things turn well, I somehow also start to ponder that its not that simple as I think as he has never clearly expressed his feelings. Well, i have had enough of waiting and so i insisted to talk to him. We went out for drinks just last month, and i started the conversation by cracking a joke if he was not straight..and I got my answer right away !! I was shocked, but I covered it quite well by cracking other jokes…in fact i am extremely sad and disappointed deep down, almost couldn’t accept the fact…I have not liked a guy so much for a long time, at least 5 years i have been out of the dating scene. There I went home, cried and cried and I kept comforting myself that that was much better than being rejected due to he in love with other girl. But how I wish he was straight. I knew there is no way he could turn straight, otherwise he would have chosen to be straight.
    I am still sad when I think of it…and imagine i see him everyday (he is seated diagonally opposite me). But he is still as nice, in some way, I’m glad that we can be good frens…I’m jealous of his beau though, but i respect his sexual preference.
    Girls, the world has changed, the minority of this group of ppl is growing…and they could be eyeing the same guy we eyeing too…how?

  • Niflem

    It is very comforting to read so many stories from women with the same problem!
    I fell in love with one of my colleagues last year when we were dancing at a party. I did not know him so well at the time, but as we danced he held me very close to him and it seemed very obvious that he was interested in me. I was surprised and thrilled! He went abroad for six months a few days after the party, but when he came back we started seeing each other more, because we have mutual friends. After some time I finally decided to tell him that I had fallen in love with him, so at a party I got drunk and told him. Then he admitted he’s gay and had never told anyone but his parents. I’ve never been so shocked in my entire life! At first I thougt he was joking, for there’s nothing gay about him at all, but I finally realised he was telling the truth. I hugged him and told him it was a very brave and honest thing to say (and I really meant it) but inside I felt like I was falling to pieces. He decided to go out in the kitchen where a couple of our friends were and tell them. I went with him and heard him tell the others – they also at first thought it was a joke – and then suddenly I couldn’t breathe. I ran outside, far away so nobody would hear me, threw myself on the grass and cried violently, I almost screamed. It was actually physically painful to realise the truth; as I lay there crying, I felt like someone was giving me electrical shocks. The thought of him being gay was so strange and alien to me that it could not be inside my head. I was away from the party for a while and went back when I felt I could control my crying. The others didn’t know why he had told me he was gay, at least he hadn’t told them about me admitting my feelings for him, but I think they guessed it. I joined him on the way home from the party and we had a good talk about it outside his door. He told me he thinks I’m a very nice girl, very easy to talk to and he’s so happy we’ve come to know each other – and if he weren’t gay I would definitely be number one girlfriend! It was a comfort he said that, and I also told him that no matter what, he is the nicest person I’ve ever met. He went abroad again for a month shortly after that. It took more than a month before I started feeling happy again – but I came to terms with the fact that he is gay and it will never be possible to have a relationship with him. And as he returned from the trip and I met him at a party, it was actually really great to see him again and I felt that we have become great friends. Then we went out with some friends a week ago and went dancing at a club – after dancing for a long time, we suddenly kissed twice on the dance floor. We were both drunk, and he said it was just for fun and that I’m a great kisser, but that he’s sorry he’s gay because we would make a great couple – we are very much alike, we have the same sense of humor and always have a great time. But afterwards he didn’t feel good about the fact that our friends saw us kissing, for most people still don’t know he is gay. There was a bit of tension between us in the following days and we did not talk about it – on the one hand I was thrilled that he actually wanted to kiss me and had done so by himself – that he was actually able to feel attracted to me inspite of the fact that he’s gay. And on the other hand I was so sad that we will never be together, kiss again or have sex. I think he may be worried that he’s hurt my feelings, but I would never blame him for anything – I wanted to kiss him and even though I’m sad right now I wouldn’t have missed that kiss for the world!
    He’s going abroad again for 5 months, we said goodbye yesterday – I will miss him terribly, but I think it may be good to be parted for a while because we are both confused and actually don’t know each other that well even though we accidently became very close and shared thoughts and feelings because of him admitting he’s gay.
    I think it is the strangest thing that has ever happened to me and one of the most painful. But at the same time I also feel myself growing through this experience. I’m sad right now, but I had come to terms with the whole situation before we kissed, so I don’t think it will be so difficult to move on this time.
    My advise for all you girls is to come to terms with the fact that the men you love are gay and that it will probably never be possible to have a romantic relationship with them – it is easier said than done, I know that, of course. I do not say that it cannot happen for some, that a gay guy suddenly finds out he is also in to girls – but if he is in love with you and wanting to be with you, he will tell you. Do not hinder yourself in falling in love with others because you cannot let go of a love for a man who is gay. Even though it is hard and heartbreaking, it’s very important to move on – for else you risk to be stuck in these feelings forever. I have to tell myself to move on – and I’m looking forward to have him as a very dear and beloved friend when he returns – I just have to remember not to kiss him or let him kiss me again – for even though I know he’s gay, I still react as a hetero! 🙂 Good luck and hugs to you all!

  • Lena

    Well, here’s my story…
    We were best friends for 2 years before I started liking him. Guess when he decided to come out of the closet? -.- Seriously though… that year I became his confidante and we just seemed to get closer and closer and then one day about 6 months later I was going crazy, thinking, how can he not feel anything?! He always said he loved me the most out of anyone… but I knew it wasn’t the same love… and then about a week after that he told me that he hated me (like, jokingly) and then told me why… it was cos he was so sure he was gay, so certain of it, but then I came along and he was confused… that was about 6 months ago :\ nothing’s happened it’s just been so confusing. I told him then that I liked him too and so far it’s been to the point where everyone is either thinking or saying we should go out… but I think he’s scared of losing his gay “image” rather than his personality, you know? I’ve tried ‘settling’ with other guys but it hasn’t really worked out so I’ve stopped that now… I’ll think I like them and then the next day he’ll call me and all I have to do is hear his voice and I’m sucked back in… ~bangs head on the wall~ it’s so frustrating and so complicated and I love him so much. Now I know he loves me, but he’s still got some stuff to figure out, but I don’t care. I’ll wait for as long as it takes, really. ‘cos I don’t want anything less than him. (Oh God I hope he doesn’t stumble on this forum). And by the way, I don’t think God ever intended something as beautiful as love between anyone to be a sin. I’m Christian and I follow Jesus Christ’s teachings and he’s never said anything against homosexuality, and I’ve never had anything against it. This whole page definitely makes me feel better, though, I’m not the only one, thank goodness.