#sexual orientation
28 February 2005

I have one big question: am I gay?

I have one big question: Am I gay? I enjoy going into the men’s underwear section of the store and I get an erection when I go to it. I never get an erection because of women. Last night me and my family went to a restaurant. One of the waiters there was so sexy. I couldn’t help but think of his penis and butt. I wanted to perform oral on him. I’m gay or aren’t I.


Hi Austin,

Only you can answer your “one big question, am I gay?”, because only you know who you are and only you should decide how you want to label yourself.
You see the words ‘Gay’, ‘Lesbian’ and ‘Bisexual’ are all labels that people use to describe themselves or others. Labels can be helpful, for instance they help to make people feel less isolated and more part of a greater community.
Labels can also be a pain in the butt, for example, when people hear the word ‘gay’, many stereotypes of gay people come to mind.
Therefore, it is up to you to decide if you want to call yourself ‘gay’ or ‘queer’. (I prefer gay, because in the dictionary it can also mean happy, and I am very happy about the fact that I like men.)
Regardless of what label you choose, you have certainly described the feelings and desires of a person who is attracted to the same-sex, in your case men. Men who are attracted to men usually call themselves ‘gay’ but you can choose the way you want to identify yourself. If you are comfortable calling yourself ‘gay’, I would say that your assumption is correct (I too am a gay man, and your feelings sound quite similar to mine at 14).

Head & Hands