8 March 2010

Does my teacher like me? I have a crush on her!

I’m a girl and I have this huge crush on my ELA teacher, who is also female. I find everything about her adorable and might be obsessed with her. She told my mom in parent-teacher conference- “I love her!” “shes my little helper.” She also talks to me a lot and tells me I don’t smile enough and puts this big smile on to get me to smile and laughs (god i love her laugh) when I do. I had a 99.3 average in her class and when it went down to a b-, she wrote me a little note and put it on my desk during class saying something about how she doesn’t like seeing that and she noticed my math grade is similar and “we need to fix this!” and when she walked over and talked to me about it she told me I was very smart and could do better and so on. another thing, she always smiles at me and looks at me in class and she also asks whats wrong if I look sad and offers to let me leave for a bit or take a walk/drink. Does she feel attracted to me? Does she like me? Please help.
Thank you. 🙂

Kay Wo

Hi Molly,

Thank you so much for writing in to us at AlterHéros and sharing your situation. From the sounds of it, it seems that you've got a huge crush on your female ELA teacher and you're wondering if she likes you back. Let's make a list of stuff that you mentioned that makes you suspect that she does like you:

* She told your mom, “I love her!” and “She's my little helper” at a parent-teacher conference;

* She also talks to you a lot and tells you that you don’t smile enough and puts on a big smile to get you to smile and laugh with her;

* She wrote you a note and put it on your desk that said that she doesn't

like seeing your grades go down and that, “We need to fix this!”;

* She's told you that she thinks that you're very smart and could do better;

* She always smiles and looks at you in class and asks what's wrong if you look sad and offers to let you leave to take a walk/drink.

From what you've described, it's understandable that you feel attracted to your teacher. She gives you some extra attention that you don't mention her giving to other students. Because of this, it really does seem that your teacher cares about you. The thing is, her caring about you is not the same as her being attracted to you. When you read through the list, it definitely shows that she cares for your well being, but it's because you're one of her students and she wants to see you do well and succeed at school. Her actions may seem affectionate, but she probably wants you to think of it as her looking out for you rather than her having a crush on you.

When an adult chooses to become a teacher, s/he is expected to behave in an appropriate way around his or her students. Not only are they expected to teach you the material you need to succeed later in life, they have also been entrusted with your safety and well-being. Even though your teacher is treating you affectionately, she isn't making any kind of romantic advances towards you, which is good because it's completely against her job description!

As difficult as this must be, you have to accept the fact that the way she's treating you is not motivated by an attraction towards you. You seem to be a very bright and friendly student so it's only natural that she would want to make sure you're doing alright if your grades are slipping or if you're looking sad. You need to choose whether or not you can continue enjoying the extra attention without thinking that it will lead to anything romantic. If it's too difficult, you'll have to tell your teacher that the way she's been treating you makes you feel uncomfortable. It won't be easy, but it's important that you let her know so that you don't have to keep feeling the way you do around her.

Remember, it's okay to have a crush on your teacher, as long as you don't think it will lead to something more. Hopefully you'll be able to sort through your feelings so that you can be happy around her all while keeping your grades up. Let us know how things go and write back if you have any more questions or updates. Good luck!


K-Wo for Alterhéros