29 October 2007

Am I too clingy ?

Basically my girlfriends best friend said that I was being too clingy so I asked her and she said that she understands why I am. We only really get to hang out during school and that’s only during passing time and lunch. We rarely see each other during the weekend and when we do it’s usually because I’m visiting her during work. Most of my male friends don’t see it as clingy. I hold her by the waist and stuff and I ask to go places she goes, but I rarely get to go. I just need to know if I am being too clingy, and if I am what should I do about it? Also what is your opinion on this situation?

Sophie Bouchard

Dear C-Ham,

If I understand your question well, you seem to worry that you might be too clingy to your girlfriend. I can tell you that your feelings are really not so strange; since lots of people feel clingy when they are “in love”. These feelings of loneliness, longing, fear (of losing the person), imagined need and dependency are not actually about the current object of your affection; rather, they are probably about a lack of comfort with yourself.

How do you feel when you are by yourself, alone? Are you capable of being alone? This is an ability one has to learn and to practice. It is not easy, of course, but you can do it. What can be helpful is to have activities you really like that you can do without your girlfriend: do you have other friends you like to be with? Do you practice sports and other hobbies? Do you like reading or watching movies? Are you involved in any after school activities or volunteer work? Have you considered taking a part time job and earning money? These kinds of activities might help you become more independent from your girlfriend.

From now on, when your loved one leaves to go grab a soda or go back to her house, get caught up in an activity. Read a few pages of a book, go out for a walk, call some friends – be busy. The point is to immediately throw yourself back into your own life. If you know you can look forward to doing something by yourself every time your girlfriend drops out of sight, whether she’s gone for five minutes or five days, you won’t miss her so much or feel the need to chase her. Plus you’ll remind yourself that you have a life whether your current girlfriend is in it or not. Lastly, if you need to cling to something, I recommend that cling to the knowledge that you are a lovable soul whether you are in a love relationship or not.

I hope this will help; feel free to ask us more questions anytime.

Sophie, for AlterHeros