19 January 2006

Am I really bisexual or is it just sex ?

I am a 14 year old male. I have liked girls all of my life. I first came across homosexuality when I was around 11. One of my friends would joke about being gay. He would do little things with me and I wanted to do more, but I didn’t think I was gay. I have done things (not intercourse) with 2 boys since then and neither of them are gay. Now I am really confused because I like this gay guy, but not in the way I like girls. At first, I hated how he had a poofy voice (going along with everyone elses opinion about gay people). But I didn’t bully him about it or anything. Then, after telling him that I thought another gay guy liked him, he said, “Just because you’re jealous I have a boyfriend.” Ever since then, I have had feelings for him that I don’t really want to have. When I think about hot girls, I think about sex. When I think about hot guys, I think about sex. But when I think about girls I really like, I think about relationships. Am I really bisexual or just desperate for sex? Thanks


Dear Ronan,

Thanks for writing to Alterheros. So you asked in your message whether or not you are bisexual. Well, I think in time you will develop a clearer idea about what your sexual orientation is. Sometimes people experiment a bit, and are sexual with someone of the same sex but don’t identify as gay or bisexual. Sometimes someone in this situation later identifies as bisexual, or as gay, whereas others come to identify as straight. And usually people who identify as gay or bisexual have emotional and sexual attractions to people of the same sex.

I hope this makes things a bit clearer. If you have more questions please feel free to write back.

Best regards,