Am I just lonely, confused or gay?


I have had same sex relations, but didn’t really like it. I liked the emotional contact, am I just lonely, confused or gay.

You sound a bit confused right now but that’s normal because figuring out one’s sexuality is not always clear-cut and obvious. You do not need to decide on a “label” until you are ready (if ever you feel the need to label yourself). Sex does not need to be the primary focus of a relationship if you don’t want it to be. If you feel like someone is taking advantage of your emotional fragility, you should get help.

I think it’s really important to feel 100% comfortable when having sexual relationship, and to ensure that the same is true of your partner/lover. It’s difficult to assess your sexual orientation based on sex alone. Sexual orientation is much more than sexual attraction. Maybe for now, it would be better for you to focus on developing healthy relationships with people that you trust, and that make you feel good about all aspects of your relationship—sexual and emotional. It’s perfectly normal to be confused about your attractions, so don’t rush yourself into one category or another. You may be attracted to more than one genre, or have a preference, but it’s the kind of thing that will become clearer with time. Remember that sex is not always the most important part of a relationship, and it’s good to develop a well balanced partnership based on trust, friendship, respect and sensitivity to each others’ needs. Never engage in sexual relationships that you do not feel comfortable with. Set your boundaries, and be up front about how you are feeling, even if it’s a feeling of loneliness.

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