23 March 2005

Am I bisexual or straight? I'm confused, can you help me?

I have always considered myself straight but now I don’t know anymore. I have never been with either a girl or a guy sexually, so I don’t know how to be certain of my sexuality.
In high school I had a crush on one of my friends, but at the time I dismissed it as a ‘teenage phase’. Three years later, I met a girl who tells me she is bisexual. That starts me thinking, and I finally admit to myself that I really was sexually and emotionally attracted to my friend in high school, and that I have recently experienced sexual attraction to another girl I know. On top of it all, I think I began to develop a crush on my bisexual friend, because my feelings towards her are similar to those I had towards my friend in high school. At this point I can look around at girls I don’t even know and feel sexually attracted to them. The whole time I am still attracted to guys.
Is this a case of my misinterpreting the feelings I have about my friends? Someone I talked to thinks I am imagining that I am bisexual. But how can I explain that my crushes on girls take on the same form as my crushes on guys: I think about the person 24-7 and fantasize about them while masturbating? How can I do to find out? – Paula

Équipe -Pose ta question!-

Dear Paula,

It sounds to me like you’ve already thought this through quite thoroughly, and logically. In fact, it sounds to me like you already know the answer to your own question. If you are attracted to a specific girl, or girls in general, the same way you do for guys, it makes sense to me that you might be bisexual.

As for not having sexual experience, thus not knowing what your sexuality is, try thinking about that question from a different perspective: do straight people question whether or not they are straight before they’ve had sex? The answer, of course, is “no.” You do not need to be sexually active to know if you are bisexual, straight, a lesbian, or any other sexuality. (Just to complicate things, even if you were sexually active, chemistry between you and your potential partner (let’s say a male) could be off, or you could just not enjoy yourself with your partner… but that wouldn’t necessarily mean that you had no attraction to all males, would it? No! It just means the sex wasn’t quite what you were looking for, and you would either try again with your partner, or move on to another partner, you wouldn’t just dismiss all males. The same thing holds true for females. So don’t base your indecision on a lack of sexual experience.)

And, finally, don’t feel pressure to define your sexuality. Sexuality can change. Just enjoy your crushes and attractions and see where it takes you.

Good luck!

Team AlterHeros