Hello Theo!

First of all, thank you for writing to us and trusting AlterHéros with your question. I know that seeking help with these matters can be hard, so thank you for reaching out. From what I understand, you identified as a demigirl for a while and did not feel comfortable being seen as masculine. You’re also saying that you lived through a traumatic experience which changed the way you perceive yourself and your emotional response to certain things. If I understand correctly, you’re wondering if you would feel more comfortable identifying as demifluid/genderfluid and if this trauma you’ve been through could have anything to do with your gender identity. Is this right? Hopefully my answer will be helpful to you through these uncertainties. 

First, I want to say that I’m sorry you’ve experienced a traumatic experience. It seems like you’ve been through something difficult, and I hope there are people in your life you can talk to if needed. It could be friends, families, or other adults you trust, like teachers or school counselors. If not, feel free to write to us again, we’ll be here to answer any more questions you may have

There are also resources in the United States you can turn to for help :

– The Trevor Project provides information and support to young queer people. You can visit their website for more information, and you can call 1-866-488-7386 anytime for support. Also, using TrevorSpace, you can connect with other young people online who are facing situations similar to yours.

– The LGBT National Help Center offers peer support, community connections, and resource information. They have different hotlines, including one dedicated to supporting young LGBT people (800-246-7743), as well as chatrooms.

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The second thing I’d like to say is that it’s perfectly alright and normal for the way you identify to change through time. Sexuality and gender are fluid, and so is the way we perceive them, so how we identify may change over time and in different contexts. In other words, nothing is set in stone as you might make more discoveries along the way! The important thing is figuring out what makes sense for you now and what you feel comfortable with. It’s okay to take your time to find that out.

The last thing I want to add relates to your main question, about how you feel your trauma may have changed your gender. I think you’ll find that part of the answer was already in your question. As you said so yourself, this trauma may have changed the way you see yourself and your personality. While not necessarily changing your gender, is it possible that this traumatic experience has made you realize things about your gender and how you feel comfortable identifying and being perceived? 

Gender identity is a very intimate and personal thing, so I think it would make sense that an experience touching on other intimate and personal parts of yourself might have an impact on how you perceive your gender. As I’ve said before, it’s normal to find out things about yourself throughout your life and you’ll keep discovering new things for many years to come. The way I see it, it’s not so much your gender that’s changing, but more so the fact that you’re seeing it from new and different angles. I would say to take your time, because there’s no rush or deadline for putting a label on the way you feel. 

I hope my answer was helpful and don’t hesitate to write to us again if you have any more questions. It’ll be our pleasure to help

Have a good day and good luck!

Béatrice (she/her), volunteer for AlterHéros